Let’s Try Something New

Ahem. Let the meeting come to order!

First of all, in response to all the nice people who are concerned about my age, my shriveled anus, and so on, I would like to make it clear that I will be fifty seven this month and I fucking rule. See me arm wrestling above, at a family gathering a couple of weeks ago.

Face it! I just rule. It’s not my fault that I didn’t over-pluck my eyebrows, I didn’t like staying out in the sun, I didn’t fuck up my hair and I was just lucky that way. This rampant ageism among the nice people who have recently come aboard is very sad. They are terrified of aging but that’s not my fault either. In any case, that particular weapon is useless here. Thanks anyway!

Second: An excitable woman in Texas has taken it upon herself to rally her Good Ol Gals on facebook to come here and cause mischief. The woman is a pal of Sea and Mom.   Here is her best comment thus far:

Now we know more than we wanted to know about Sea’s appraisal of me. She is welcome to perseverate on female genitalia, as she does on her “other” blog. Just not mine.

As it turns out, poor Mom is also preoccupied with me as evidenced by a histrionic screed that she left as a comment, using a proxy server.   Her comment was particular shocking, coming from a mother, but obviously our ideas of morality are very different. At least she got Sea to delete this “thought:”

Grief, shoes, it’s all the same to some people. Scary but true.

~

Now, here is my thinking. I have been committed to a blog that is free of censorship. But this orchestrated attempt to waste my time is annoying my real readers. So, how about one of these strategies:

1. When some lunatic leaves a comment that slanders me ( in the true sense of slander) we shall respond to them with the word “WHORE!”   For example,   “Dumbbell” writes “LOL sister wolf, your an old old old anus with no sole” the response from faithful readers shall be “WHORE!”

or

2. I will just allow the first two lines of every slanderous comment and delete the rest. That way, “Judy under a fake name” can write: “sister wolf you make me sick, bile vitriol, venom, old old old empty lonely bad mother crazy as a loon and even reading my freaking ebay curations and you make me so sick and you hate on and your just so old and   why don’t you get a life you horrible old thing and bab bad mother who doesnt know how to grieve like we do in Texas you old old older-than-me narcissist narcissist bla bla bla bla” but it will be shortened to “sister wolf you make me sick, bile vitriol, venom, old old old empty”

Well, these are my ideas for now.

Posted in Disorders, Horrible Stuff, revenge, Words | Tagged , , | 268 Comments

I Won, So There!

After all my labor at Refinery 29, I won a contest at Fashion Intel! Yay! I haven’t had a watch since I lost mine in January, so this is the perfect prize.

Some bitch castigated me for entering the Refinery 29 contests, like it was proof positive of my lonely boring wretched life as a guilt-ridden old crone with no purpose in life.

Fuck you, bitch! My purpose was winning a watch and now I’ve done it.

Why I didn’t win the latest Refinery 29 contest where you had to describe your “steamiest seduction story” is a total mystery, though.   My story was by far the least nauseating. Oh well.

In any case, it has been exhausting to read the hate mail that’s been pouring in this week. If you’re a raving moron who can’t spell “you’re” but you like the word “vitriol,” I know I’ll be hearing from you.   But try to remember: You can’t hurt me and you can’t shut me up.

Love, xo SW

Posted in Contest, Disorders, Words | Tagged , , | 79 Comments

Comments For Jane 8-3-2010

Sea has taken a brief respite from shoe curating but the posing and self-adoration continue unabated, like the tides.

Sea acquired an ugly cockroach necklace in an effort to establish her quirkiness, and she heaped on the black eye liner for a Clueless Goth  effect. She and Mom snagged a lame python jacket after a harrowing close call with not snagging it! Whew! Thank god it all worked out.

Most noteworthy is the garbled language skills that Sea has been curating! Here is her observation about her taste in interior design:

“I guess the baroque-psychedelia of Foster’s Home has my eye trained on the more whimsical touches of the mansions from the Gilded era. I got this book at Dolly Python yesterday and   love to see l that so many of these suffocatingly extravagant rooms have touches of candy colors like mint green, bubblegum pink, and robin’s egg blue.”

Hahahaha! “Suffocatingly extravagant?!?” Suffering succotash! That sounds like a description of her own living room!

Okay, you know the drill. I’ll go first:

Dear Sea, You’ll never believe this but I have the same black sweater from Lucky Jeans so we’re almost twins! Do you ever wonder what you would think about if you weren’t wealthy? Did you know that most women have a deep-seated dread of being like their mom? I like how you defy this fear by trying to look like a thirty-something divorcee circa 1980. If you need more cockroaches, let me recommend my kitchen! Love, SW

Posted in Fashion, revenge, Words | Tagged , , | 246 Comments

Kourtney and like, Kim

I’m like watching the Kardashian girls on TV and it’s like so full of drama! Kourtney is like so mad at that douche who knocked her up and like Kim wants her to like face reality? And like Kourt’s baby is more important to her than like anything?

I haven’t seen this show in ages but I must admit it has a soothing effect on my brain. The two of them look more piggish than I remember and Kim’s lips seem ready to burst.

I like love reality TV and here’s why:   It’s like so sickening, but in the end, it’s like not your problem.

Posted in Celebrities, Words | Tagged , , | 22 Comments

The Perfect Template!

They forget the monkey fur, but otherwise, perfect, don’t you think?

Posted in Art, Words | Tagged , , , | 28 Comments

Still With The Contests

I’m sorry, I need to keep entering these contests at Refinery 29. I am persistent if nothing else.

Posted in Contest, Fashion | Tagged | 23 Comments

Shit I Can’t Have

How do you like this draped tartan dress by McQ McQueen? If I could get away with it, I’d buy it immediately from my-wardrobe and never wear it.

Don’t argue with me about this cool collaboration between Anglomania and Lee Jeans. Look at that coppery coating on the light blue denim! It is exactly what I didn’t know I wanted but now I do. I want these jeans badly.

Imagine the insults I’d get from those commenters who think I’m too old, too anorexic, too hateful and too bitter! If I had $265 to blow on more jeans, this pair would be on its way right now. And I’d fucking rock them as well as just wear them.

Posted in Fashion | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

You’re Gonna be So Stoked

Remember how rad you felt when you found out that Gnarlitude’s Old Man was learning to be a taxidermist? Well, how stoked are you to see this picture of him working on these dead coyotes! No wonder she’s so proud. This is both totally rad and totally sick.

In other rad Gnarlitude news, she was completely stoked when her Old Man got her this green monkey fur coat from her very good pals at Ksubi.

How sick is this?!?

If only coyotes were green….that would be so fucking rad!

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 63 Comments

Unrivaled Beauty

Max loved Laetitia Casta and considered her his ideal of female beauty (after Brigitte Bardo.) Seeing these pictures yesterday, I had to agree.

I’m posting these photos for you, Max.   You always had such great taste! You know how much I valued your opinions on music, writing, movies, art, philosophy, people, politics, everything.   Remember when you were a boy and fell in love with Marilyn Monroe? When you explained that it was her vulnerability that attracted you most, I was so proud of you. I still am. You are one of a kind. You are my angel.

I just want to keep sharing things with you! So here’s Laetitia. xoxo

Posted in Art, Celebrities, grief | Tagged | 21 Comments

Cunt of the Week™: Cyril Style

Listen, I don’t know who “Cyril Style” is either, but he’s a complete cunt. In describing a series of photos by Julia Chesky called “The Original Hipster,” featuring a homeless guy in New York, Cyril notes:

Personally I have always found the homeless to be a great source of inspiration and totally agreed with Julia’s title “The Original Hipster”.

A great source of inspiration?!? Who the fuck does he think he is? Erin Wasson?

Cunt.

***UPDATE:   Cyril is a double cunt for modifying his statement with the words “specific details about” after I posted this.   I copied and pasted his statement last night.   I would never edit a quote just to serve my purposes.   Cunt ².

Posted in Art, Rants, Words | Tagged , , , | 79 Comments