Words To Live By

I wish my own Mom was buying Marant instead of Prada and Dolce so I could raid her closet like I’m sure this woman’s daughter would do. – Gnarlitude


A pair of leather suspenders have been on my dream wishlist for a long time now…but they aren’t exactly easy to come by. – Sea of Shoes


The inclusion of Alaia surprised me, for example, but the book knew where I was going. – Tavi


Anyway, it will be a long time before we see another McQueen. Actually, that’s not true. Look at Gareth Pugh. – Daphne Guinness

Posted in Art, Words | Tagged , | 26 Comments

OMG, Killing It

Sometimes it’s not enough to wear fierce boots that you can barely walk in and that make your feet look like hooves. Sometimes, you need horseshoes on the soles in order to get that Fuck, Yeah look.

Here’s how Style Noir describes these boots:

“Continuing our fetish theme this month, we bring to you possibly the most insane, yet visually stunning heels we’ve seen in a very long time. Forget surreal heels, these bad boys out-do anything you’ve ever seen before.”

Wow. “Bad boys,” “insane.” Ready to go on?

We have simply fallen in love with these. Imagine these teamed with tribal fashion, fur and a serious sense of attitude. Could anything look better?

I actually think something could look better, but that’s just me.

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The Land Down Under

While searching for dreadlock remover (imagine a little sad-face thingy here) I came across this wonderful product for use Down There.

Rid yourself of the unwanted grays and give hair down there a beautiful boost of color that’s destined to brighten up more than your smile.

Now my only problem is deciding between Black Cherry or Midnight Blaque. I’m leaning toward the latter because of the spelling. The hair on my head, or Up There I should say, is really dark brown, not technically Blaque. I don’t want to give anyone a fright.

The Down There business is topical because I had coffee with my sister today and complained about the word “rump.” I read in The Cut that Kate Moss shows off “her rump” in a new video. I was so upset by this usage that I nearly fired off a letter to the editor. Why “rump” for godsake? Can’t they say “ass” or even “butt” or in the worst case scenario maybe “backside?”

Then we moved on to the word “tush” which also annoys me. When I discovered that there’s actually a song called Tush, I nearly had a stroke. Now there’s a magazine called Tush. It’s a word to use with a two year old, like pee pee, but then it should be dropped asap.

Anytime I hear the term Down There, I think it bespeaks a revulsion for sex and body parts. The GiGi color product manages to add an Australian slant by calling this crap “Color Down Under.” Here’s an idea! Next time you hear someone use the term Down There, scream: “Where, Australia?”

Posted in Rants, Words | Tagged , , | 33 Comments

Keith or Anita?

Thinking about the Stones during all the Exile on Main Street mania, I realized that while most girls cite Anita Pallenberg as a Style Muse, I would choose Keith instead.

Anita is gorgeous. She got at least two Stones to fall in love with her, after all. In the movie Performance, she was sex on fire. But stylewise, to me, she was just a Rock Chick. Shaggy fur coats, floppy haps, floaty blouses, bla bla bla.

But Keith! There was style. Even if he couldn’t play guitar, he would still be the essence of Rock style. No one before or since has nailed it like Keith. Jimmy Hendrix was great but his style verged on costume, whereas Keith was just naturally cool.

For years, I wore one earring, inspired by Keith. Sometimes I still do, and it’s an old tiger claw, just like Keith’s.   Python boots seem like a wardrobe essential, because Keith wore them. Watching Keith listen to “Wild Horses” in Gimme Shelter, eyes closed and foot tapping in his worn out python boots, you can only think: Coolest person ever.

I don’t know why my style idols are men or women who dress like men. My favorite photo of Frida Kahlo is the one where she’s dressed in a man’s suit.

Wearing dresses and heels makes me feel ridiculous. Hats, too. And yet I am a girlie girl with a Girlie Brain who hoards lipstick, jewelry and nail polish. I just feel more myself when dressed like a tomboy. I’m drawn to men’s shoes and men’s jackets. When I veer too far from this style, I feel silly and uncomfortable.

Is it a power thing? Dressing up like a girl equals Trying to Capture Male Interest. It’s important to me to feel tough. Or maybe it’s a boob thing:   Do girls with big boobs feel innately more feminine and thus drawn to girlie clothes?

Or is it just cooler to be a Rock Star than a Rock Star’s girlfriend?

Posted in Art, Celebrities, Disorders | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

The Wisdom of Patti Smith

Patti Smith gave a commencement speech at Pratt Institute on Monday night:

I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to talk about: Moby Dick, the slaves of Michelangelo, Hans Hoffman, My Bloody Valentine, but now that I’m here, my greatest urge is to speak to you of dental care.   My generation had a rough go, dentally.”

Listen to the whole speech here. No one is wiser, funnier, or cooler.

Posted in Art, Religion, Words | Tagged , | 13 Comments

A Cure For Shopping?

The sight of this fake fur jacket triggered my shopping addiction, big time. To make things worse, it’s called the Wolf Jacket. It seemed like destiny, if destiny were a voice in my head saying “Buy it, put it on your credit card, do it, do it, do it!”

In a stroke of unwitting genius, I asked my kid webmaster to stick my head on the lookbook model.

VOILA!!! It looks stupid on me! I don’t need to buy it. Free at last!

Posted in Disorders, Fashion | Tagged , | 22 Comments

Not Better Than a Poke in the Eye

Am I the only female on earth who doesn’t care about Sex and the City?

I don’t care about the new movie any more than I cared about the other movie, which I didn’t see. Who gives a shit about these awful women? Oh right, everyone. I tried to watch the TV series a couple of times but all it did was create arguments with my husband. I would start whining. “Oh god, eeoow, she’s so ugly!’ or “Jesus, how pretentious!” and he would reflexively defend SJP and the dialogue, both of which I found excruciating.

So, can I assume the popularity of this franchise is something to do with female friendship? Does it remind us how nice it is to have a group of girlfriends who aren’t afraid to say ‘clitoris’? Or is it just a fantasy about having lots of clothes?

Is it a comforting fable about how you can be super ugly but still considered attractive a la SJP? If I was ever going to respect SJP, I would have to reconsider after she denied having that mole removed.   She can deny that her husband’s gay if she must, but denying the mole is like insisting that we’re all blind or brain-damaged.

All I know is this: I have zero interest in seeing this movie. I hate all four actresses. I am mystified by the whole phenomenon and it took years for me to decipher the acronym SATC.

(In fact, I just learned what FLOTUS and POTUS mean!)

The only movie I want to see less than Sex and the City 2 is Killers, a romantic comedy starring Ashton “I can’t shut up!” Kutcher. If I had to choose between them, I’d just kill myself.

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff, Rants | Tagged , , | 64 Comments

Something Different

Tonight I can truthfully say that I’m sick of everything. Or rather, the same old everything.

I need something new to look at and fixate on.

I can’t take any more dumb idiots, dumb whores or dumb dummies. No more It girls or would-be It Girls. I need images and I need things to stimulate my imagination. I need things to hlep my brain work. I need things to hate but different things.

Here’s Martin Cohn, a boy who looks like a girl.

Here’s Gemma Banks, a girl who looks like a boy.

I realize that pictures of androgenous people are the only things I can stand to look at right now. I can’t figure out why, but I find them very relaxing.   Male models and homo’s. too. I’m deliberately using the word homo because a blog called Homo-something is about homo’s and the word “gay” now sounds condescending to me. If you’re a homo and you object, let me know.

Here’s another girl who looks like a boy.

See? Isn’t that more relaxing than looking at what some moron wore today? I found it at a blog with lots of nice images, whose author is either a boy or girl, I can’t tell from looking at him/her. You go, girl, or boy!

Oops, I found this there, too, so it’s not all androgeny there but also weirdness and some pervy stuff. That blog sent me to this one... where I liked this beautiful Asian-looking girl, or at least I assume it’s a girl.

There are some great images there and no one bothering you with their outfits or their Mom.

Okay, that’s it.   Who has some recommendations for me? Websites, books, music, anything to break the frozen sea within?

Posted in Art, Disorders, Words | Tagged , , , | 41 Comments

Tuesday Morning *UPDATE

The firstborn Wolf is having surgery, so send him blessings and play nicely among yourselves until I get back. You can listen to his music here.

xo

~

* Thank you so much, everyone who sent good wishes! Everything went well and we are expecting a successful recovery.   xoxoxo

Posted in News, Religion | Tagged , | 48 Comments

All Things Icky II

A few people have cited a certain blogger as someone who would annoy me, so tonight I checked her out. The thing that struck me most was her hideous collection of claw-themed jewelry.

Why the fucking claws?! (Somehow I feel this question woud sound more   beautiful and heartfelt in French but I don’t speak French. Can anyone help translate??)

Now that skull imagery is somewhat passe, the trend has moved to animal skulls. If I see another fucking brass bird-skull necklace, I’m going to strangle someone with it. Bird-skulls, huge claws, talons, just take them all away. Mom of Shoes has a monstrous claw pendent by the ubiquitous Pamela Love and so does every Clueless Goth Kid and tattooed fashion model a la Erin Wasson.

I was so annoyed by the claw-laden blogger that I went to etsy and typed “claw.” Try it! A huge volume of icky claw-things is available, many rivaling Mom’s $700 pendent in stark ugliness. I was particularly impressed by a store called Loved to Death, where I came across these “muskrat mandible” earrings.

And I realized that the blogger girl owns an identical pair!

What is the point in adorning yourself in stupid faux taxidermy? Why do so many people follow these trends? When can we go back to appreciating objects that are life-affirming rather than dead or faux-dead?

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 77 Comments