The only good thing about buying expensive shit is that you can sometimes recoup some of your wasted money on ebay.
Look at this Kate Moss ‘Groupie Coat!’ Why did I buy it from Topshop? Because I’m stupid, that’s why. I imagined myself as a 20 year old living in a cold climate, walking around like a big Yeti, looking insanely rad. Now, it’s on ebay.
Why did I buy this Marc Jacobs sequin thing? Because I’m so stupid that I must have pictured myself going somewhere and impressing people with my glam fashion sense. I haven’t worn it once, just like the Groupie Coat. A complete waste of time and money. For sale on ebay.
Ooh, what about these Paul Smith “Kings” biker boots. Wearing them would prove how moto, how tough-chic and just plain killing it I am. So what that I already had a million pairs of biker boots. Soon to be on ebay, and I’ll only get a fraction of the purchase price.
I have been out of work for nearly a year. What I’ve learned is that I am a big idiot who spent money as fast as I could, because I’d never made so much of it. Every story I wrote brought me $500, so a pair of boots equalled only one story. I forgot to worry about the future, or the people starving in Africa. My shame and my unpaid bills aren’t punishment enough for being so stupid.
However. While at ebay, I treated my self to a look at Mom’s recent purchases, and I was reassured to find that, yes, someone else is stupid, too! Join me in weighing up the stupidity.
This massive anchor pendent was $295 plus shipping. Gargantuan, isn’t it? I think size is key, for Mom. At least it isn’t a monkey or cockroach.
Now we’re talking! Pre-owned Prada open-toed boots, just $199 plus shipping. Are these for Sea or Mom? Would they wear these if they didn’t say “Prada?” I’m already feeling a little less stupid, but what do I know.
Another bold statement piece of junk jewelry for Mom, $85 plus shipping. Nice and big, even “glitzy” I would say. There are many, many more acquisitions of this nature that you can look for at Mom’s shop or perhaps adorning herself or Sea.
The thing about shopping and hoarding is that it distracts one from the void, from oneself, from the horror of the human condition but in the end it fools no one. In the end, you’re just an idiot with too much crap that no one wants, not even you.
But at least my crap is good crap.
