| And I'm getting madder.

Sea of Shoes is Through Taking Your Shit

Posted on November 25, 2009 by Sister Wolf

That’s right, you meanies. She has shut done her comments because of you. Well, not exactly. Let her explain in her own words: “Comments aren’t necessary.”

Who cares what you people think?!? Fuck all y’all. Sea of Shoes is famous now, at least to blog followers, and their feedback doesn’t matter. She’s not here to make friends, after all! And she doesn’t need your stupid opinions.

But wait, I have an opinion, and now it’s too late. Shit. Let me share it anyway, alright?

My opinion is, Take your new Dolce and Gabbana Wedges ($1,010 at farfetch) and get the money back. Take the money and buy a wheelchair for the guy I met last week who is paralyzed after a motorcycle accident. His sons are hoping the family can raise $1,000 to buy one.

I know it’s not your fault that people are paralyzed. And yet. Oh well. Like you said, Sea of Shoes, “some people are just born with the compulsion to collect.“

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff, Words | Tagged hoarding, hospitals, shoes | 114 Comments

Scumbags, Douches and Jerks

Posted on November 23, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Tonight, some friends and I were discussing some mutual acquaintances. It emerged that there was some confusion about how to categorize certain types of men we disdain.

To me, a Douche is instantly recognizable as such. He doesn’t have to exhibit any behavior; he’s just a Douche. Sometimes a Douche can increase his douchiness by bad behavior, like John Mayer, but usually it’s a done deal. Keith Urban is a Douche.

So is Pete Wentz and David Duchovny.

Joe Perry ( as per this photo from the American Music Awards show) is a Scumbag.

Whereas, Steven Tyler is a Douche. Snoop Dogg = Scumbag. Mickey Rourke, another Scumbag.

Trying to think of a Jerk, my first thought was Levi Johnston, god bless him. Jerks are more innocent than Scumbags or Douches. I even think that a Jerk could be reformable; he could wise up, theoretically anyway. Douches and Scumbags are lost causes.

I used to be able to explain the difference between a Tool and a Jerk, but I honestly can’t remember the criteria. All I remember was that some guy named Jason (who happened to be a fishmonger) was a complete Tool.

Where do you stand on these categories, and who do you think best epitomizes a Douche, Scumbag, Jerk or Tool?

Posted in Celebrities, Words | Tagged douches, Levi Johnston, men | 27 Comments

Just Admit it, Demi

Posted on November 22, 2009 by Sister Wolf

After suggestions that her cover photo on W magazine was photoshopped, Demi Moore has come forward to deny it. She has been very adamant that this is an un-retouched photo, even though her left hip is visibly out of line with her thigh.

Apparently, she has been blabbing about it on Twitter, where she and her husband never shut up for a minute. She’s inisting that she’s “just thin.”

Remember a few weeks ago, when Demi said in an interview that she’ s never had plastic surgery?

Why, Demi, why? Is it a Kaballah thing to deny the obvious? Are you hiding the truth from poor Rumer just to torment her? Do you think we forgot about your boobs for god sake?

Demi Moore is the Ted Bundy of surgically enhanced celebrities. She’s going to deny everything to the bitter end, even when there’s nothing left of her but a puddle of botox and a pile of hair extensions.

What is the point of Demi Moore, after all, except to represent an aging cougar with a young husband? If only she’d stayed with Bruce Willis, we would all be so much better off. Except for Bruce, of course.

Posted in Celebrities, News, Rants | Tagged plastic surgery, Rumer, Ted Bundy | 23 Comments

Read Mrs. Palin’s Mind and Win a Prize

Posted on November 21, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Mrs. Palin’s tour bus arrives at Grand Rapids, MI, for her first book-signing appearance. Enlarge the picture to enjoy its full impact.

Finish this sentence:

“I’m carrying Trig because ——————————————.”

Again, I am offering the Dead Sweater to the winner. It is size small. (Honeypants won it in the Guess Which Shopbop Girl contest, but since she is busty, she gets some fabulous vintage jewelry from the Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection )

This is the prize:

Posted in Contest, Horrible Stuff, News | Tagged Mrs. Palin, Trig | 29 Comments

Falling Off My Horse

Posted on November 20, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Despite all my talk about being a samurai, I fell off my horse yesterday. It was bound to happen sometime, but it left me shaken and badly bruised.

Among my family troubles are Other family troubles. Things spun out of control, meaning I lost control. It really did feel like a damn bursting. All the careful containment of my grief and fear has allowed me to forget that I am a fucking wreck.

However! I picked myself up and got back on the horse. I got a ride to Chinatown, where Max has been transferred to a wonderful rehabilitation facility. Now he can learn to walk again and get ready to come home.

Everything about the new place is great, even the food. We are all still traumatized by the pretend “hospital,” which I can now divulge is a subsidiary of Kindred Healthcare, a corporation that made $4 billion in 2008. Why did they make $4 billion? Because their “hospitals” charge the insurance company $4,000 a day and then DON’T DO ANYTHING FOR THE PATIENT!

Ah well. I haven’t even begun with those fuckers. First things first. Here is Max having his dinner tonight and looking like Elvis. If you send him your blessings, I will pass them on.

Posted in News, Religion | Tagged fuckers, hospitals, sons | 45 Comments

Goony Bird Helps Out

Posted on November 17, 2009 by Sister Wolf

I have seen this dress by Alexander Wang EVERYWHERE in the last few days, and even though it’s beyond my means and spoiled-by-association re Erin Wasson, I have coveted it. Blue sequins = heaven.

But one look at Goony Bird wearing it and I’m over it! She’s ruined it for me.

Thank you, Goony Bird! Go here for more of her distinctive posing.

Posted in Disorders, Fashion | Tagged Goony Bird, internet addiction, Shopbop | 26 Comments

A Hatred Stoppage

Posted on November 16, 2009 by Sister Wolf

I was excited about finding a new blog to hate, based on the recommendations of my astute readers. You all know what a hater I am. Although I don’t hate “on” people, as I’ve already made clear.

Anyway, I went to check out the girl who calls herself Gala Darling, only to find to my horror that I couldn’t hate her!

She seems like a ridiculous person, yes. She goes on and on about shit in a wordy but bland manner, and she certainly seems to love herself, a trait that normally enrages me.

But her nose is too big, and that may be where I draw the line.

How can you really work up a good head of hatred for someone when you feel bad about their nose? The only exception is Sarah Jessica Parker, who brandishes that nose around just to spite us.

The big nose is such blight on the Darling girl’s life that she is trying desperately to compensate with a kooky personality and Manic Panic hair color. Her whole persona screams, “I want love and attention without having to get a nose-job!” But as we know, this won’t work. The nose is there, we see it! Even though Barbara Streisand has an amazing voice, we were bothered by her nose!

I feel I have failed my faithful readers in this unforeseen hatred malfunction. I tried to hate a seemingly worthy target and yet I’m blocked. I did look at her boyfriend though, and I think I can hate him with no trouble.

Let me have another chance! Suggestions?

Posted in Disorders, Fashion, Words | Tagged fashion bloggers, hatred, noses | 53 Comments

“In What Respect, Charlie?”

Posted on November 15, 2009 by Sister Wolf

As we all take cover from the media blitz surrounding the publication of Mrs. Palin’s “book,” it’s fun to recall our favorite Palinisms from the campaign. This video makes me feel kind of nostalgic…

Another antidote to “Going Rogue”: Check out the new book “Going Rouge,” a collection of essays about the real horror of Mrs. P, by writers like Matt Taibbi, Gloria Steinem, Frank Rich and Naomi Klein.

Please rise and join me in prayer:

Dear lord,
Preventeth me from giveth-ing in to temptation and watching that perfidious concubine on Oprah. Amen.

Posted in News, Rants, Words | Tagged crazy bitches, Matt Taibbi, Mrs. Palin | 12 Comments

Vogue Daughter Face-off

Posted on November 14, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Still annoyed by Carine Roitfeld, I remembered how much I love her daughter, Julia… and that Anna Wintour has a beautiful daughter as well. Both Carine and Anna like to pose with the daughters at fashion shows and on the red carpet. Both are probably vaguely threatened by their young daughters, and by each other’s daughter.

Do you think the daughters are secret allies, comparing notes about their bossy know-it-all moms? “I hate my mom’s fucking bob!” “Oh god, at least your mom dresses like a mom!” Or do they hate each other?

Which Vogue Daughter is your favorite?

Julia Restoin Roitfeld:

Bea Shaffer:

Posted in Celebrities, Fashion | Tagged crazy mothers, daughters, Vogue | 21 Comments

Lou Dobbs: What a Fucking Cunt™ !

Posted on November 13, 2009 by Sister Wolf

I have hated this fat pig for so long that it’s hard to believe his stupid sneering face will no longer blight my life when I’m stretched out on my couch like a beached whale, waiting for some Anderson Cooper on CNN.

I used to find him amusing, but that ended a long time ago. Watching him gain traction or whatever they call it over the last year has been too infuriating to stomach. I hate this fucker more than anyone on TV, and that is truly saying something.

I didn’t even know he graduated from Harvard until today. I will never again assume that a Harvard graduate has a high IQ. Read about some of his most egregious bullshit here, if you’re not already a card-carrying Lou Dobbs Hater.

Lou, here is a memo: Take your fat dimpled pigface far, far away and have your nervous breakdown in private where it belongs, you racist moron. Andale!

Posted in News, Rants | Tagged fat pigs, fuckers | 16 Comments