The Path Forward

Just kidding, there is no path forward; we are screwed. Our fate is sealed and there will be no place on earth that is safe from his malice, incompetence, and those sickening hand gestures. Weren’t we naive to believe in our fellow Americans? I know I was. I even told people I had a “good feeling” about the election.

Even though it sounds stupid and sanctimonious, I’ve been researching visas. Meanwhile, I’ve been advised to keep my head down, stop watching the news, and just try to have fun.

That won’t work. First of all, I don’t like having fun. You know those commercials where people with Chron’s disease, HIV, psoriasis and cancer, take some meds and end up at an outdoor concert,  street market, hiking trail, or nightclub? None of that fun looks appealing to me. Swimming, jogging, birthday parties, gardening, camping, not for me.

I can’t ignore the news either. Not when it’s full of wonders like Tulsi Gabbard for Director of National Intelligence. Lots of people consider her a Russian asset! Get the joke, libtards?

This might be fun though: Can we try to categorize Trump’s appointees and cronies? We can have idiots, monsters, cunts, and Matt Gaetz. And people with brain worms.

Or, as an antidote to politics, how about ethics? And death?

Okay, this Australian right-to-die activist, Philip Nitschke, designed a 3D printed device called a suicide pod, in which a person is killed by nitrogen gas in around seven minutes. He insists that it’s a peaceful send-off, and that his machine gives people true agency by enabling them to initiate the process of dying themselves, without relying on “prejudiced” medical professionals to judge whether their reason for wanting to die is legitimate.

Nitschke just wants to help, alright? He’s not some evil madman! That’s why years ago he came up with a euthanasia machine he called Deliverance, which connected a laptop with a syringe. Answering “yes” to a series of questions—Do you know that if you press this button you’ll die? Are you sure you know this?—on the computer would trigger the syringe to release a fatal dose of drugs. Four people used the machine to die, Nitschke claims, before the territory’s law was repealed.

In September, a 64-year-old US woman became the first person to die using the suicide pod in Switzerland. Several people were arrested shortly afterwards on suspicion of inciting, and aiding and abetting suicide. Nutcase  Dr Florian Willet, president of The Last Resort, was the only person present at the send-off, ahem, but he was in phone contact with Nitschke. Further use of the pod, which has a long waiting list, has been suspended pending a review.

“It’s not just some medical privilege for the very sick,” said Nitschke. “It’s a fundamental human right. If you’ve got the precious gift of life, you should be able to gift that gift away at the time of your choosing.”

I don’t know, I think he’s a fucking cunt. Why else devote your life to promoting death? He’s 77 now, but I bet a zillion bucks that when the time comes, he won’t be using his contraption.

And speaking of death, on election night, one of my nephews lamented that he can no longer pray that Trump dies on the toilet. How sad that he must give up that dream! But unless JD Vance dies on the toilet, we all need to hope Trump survives. Who would have thought?!

 

Posted in grief, Horrible Stuff, News | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Atonement for Atonement

While many of my waking hours recently have been spent flipping out about technical problems maintaining this fucking blog, I have also been reading. Essays upon essays about subjects unlikely to improve my body or soul, or even my mood.

But! I’ve made a new friend who loves books, and we’ve been lending each other our favorites. I’ve lost count of how many books I’ve read in the last two years, but there are stacks of them. Here are some reviews to save you from wasting your time on second rate fiction and to confirm what a book snob I am.

Atonement by Ian McEwan.  There is no atonement for the florid writing here, so overwritten as to employ several hundred tedious words to describe a garden path. Once I realized how bad it was, I felt obliged to go on until I reached some pivotal action that I knew was coming. When I reached it, I put the book down in disgust and decided to google the ending. If you haven’t read it maybe you’ve seen the movie? In any case, I won’t “ruin it” for you. The plot was like a WWII version of Wuthering Heights, without the sincerity or passion. I have enjoyed many novels by this writer but this was surprisingly stupid.

Death in Venice by Thomas Mann. Very short but atmospheric and packed with intense homo-erotic longing, not to mention pedophilia. Recommended reading if you like this sort of thing.

The Warden and Barchester Towers – Two in a series by Trollope, who I always viewed as a B-list Victorian novelist. I was so wrong! A cast of vivid characters embodying the entire spectrum of human nature, it involves politics and the church but is basically a comedy of manners. A great escape from the world as we know it.

The Locusts Have No King and A Time to Be Born, by Dawn Powell. She is one of those overlooked writers who was before her time in ruthlessly satirizing theater people and socialites. Her book are hard to find but worth the effort. She died by suicide, like most people who are too brilliant for their own good.

The Mountain Lion by Jean Stafford. A strange and intense story about siblings, it is literally unforgettable. Her Collected Short Stories are good, too.

Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers. A bizarre western with lesbians and dwarfs. Boy, was she nuts. Love her.

Lectures on Russian Literature by Vladimer Nabokov. Just what you’d expect: erudite, thoughtful, and grumpy.

The Rub of Time by Martin Amis. A collection of wildly opinionated essays on literature and pop culture. I love him so much. Witty, enthusiastic, and mean.

This is more than enough, right? I’m just trying to avoid hot takes for a while. Everyone else is giving us their two cents about Simone Biles, that Algerian boxer who looks like a man, the election, why phones are destroying our children, J lo and Ben, tribalism, the masculinity crisis, influencers, Ozempic, Clarence Thomas, and mental health.

Although I do actually have to weigh in on Bennifer , obviously. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to enjoy their breakup! Stay tuned, unless my blog disintegrates.

Posted in Art, Words | Tagged , | 12 Comments

Is It Awful Enough Yet?

I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with politics.

Who knew there could be someone more awful than Trump?? The more you learn about J.D. Vance, the more you realize that he’s the devil. He even managed to win Trump’s affection after comparing him to Hitler, using his diabolical shape-shifter ways. Apparently, Trump goes around noting to associates, “He’s so handsome! Those beautiful blue eyes!” Can’t they just rent a room? J.D.’s agenda is fucking nuts, and he’s smart and cunning enough to implement it.

And let’s not forget the Supreme Court,  co-starring “that cunt” Mrs Alito. Dominated by a cabal of Christian white supremacists, they are working around the clock to rescind our hard-won rights.

Do you guys have your passports ready to go? My own choice is Portugal.

Obviously, it was exciting to watch Trump dodge bullets, even though less exciting than if one had achieved its goal. I’m not saying I’m in favor of assassination; just that if he would die, we could take a deep breath and go safely about our business. Imagine our news media minus Trump updates? Heaven, right? But no, it’s only increased the nonstop focus on him.

Add to that the Biden deathwatch, with the will-he or won’t-he stand down for the sake of Democracy and humanity. Please, please, drop out of the race and let us nurse a flicker of hope for civilization!

Moving away from politics, in my personal life it’s the entropy. So I joined the YMCA and started lifting weights again after a thirty year break from all exercise. I can’t even spell exercise but that’s another story. So I’ve decided to devote the rest of my life to building muscle and incurring new injuries. While I’m enjoying the experience, I am also discovering all new provocations, like the people who just sit on the machine, scrolling through their phones while I stand by impatiently, thinking GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE or just move aside! Kind of like we Dems are feeling about Biden but forget I said that because we’re not on politics anymore.

I’ve started naming the gym regulars but so far I only have the Counter Guy, who counts his reps out loud (!!!), Lana del Rey, Luigi, the Old Man, and No Legs.

As much as the phone scrolling of others is enraging, my own phone scrolling is worse than ever. Now I can watch people’s workouts on Instagram when I’m not watching make-up tutorials, baby donkeys, and Jew-hating mobs frothing at the mouth screaming “GENOCIDE! GENOCIDE!”

It feels like there is no escape from a sense of doom. Nothing is trustworthy or sacred. My wordpress blog is warning me about all sorts of critical problems I don’t know how to fix (if you’re a  webmaster, please contact me!)  There’s a lady on TV who keeps telling me to use deodorant in my “butt-crack.” It makes me want to cry.

On top of all this, I went to Costco and got knocked down by a guy driving one of those big carts. He helped me up and freed my shoe from a metal thing on his cart. I was very upset and worried about breaking my worthless decrepit bones. Karen-like, I found a manager to report the incident and filled out a form. I consider filing a lawsuit but I’m too lazy and it’s not my style.

Still, I do feel somewhat traumatized from falling. A few days later, in the gym, the Counting Guy was behind me in a tight space and suddenly passed me on the left. Startled and pissed off, I actually said out loud, “What is this, Costco??”

Posted in Horrible Stuff, News, Rants | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Judith Butler: Gender Schmender

If you’re unacquainted with Judith Butler, you’re in for a real treat. Judith Butler “is an American philosopher and gender studies scholar whose work has influenced political philosophy, ethics, and the fields of third-wave feminism, queer theory, and literary theory.” If you don’t agree with her ideas about gender, you are a fascist.

Her latest pronoun of choice is they, but I will refer to her as she because (1.) she is a single, and not plural, unit and (2.) I  just feel like it. She is a professor at Berkeley and has received 14 honorary degrees. In other words, she is a big deal. According to many, she is among the most influential intellectuals alive today.

Let’s start with this: In her book Gender Trouble, Butler claims that biological sex, like gender, is socially constructed, with its physical manifestations mattering only to the degree society assigns them meaning. Well, no. I would say nice try, but no.  Gender critical feminists (i.e. feminists who aren’t on board with her ideas) come in for some of her most scathing attacks. They are the victims of “phantasmatic” anxieties and also are big stupid liars whom she compares to Richard Nixon, of all people.

Personally, I don’t give a shit about gender, or not enough of a shit to ponder its meaning. I came across Butler in a critique of her assertion that the events of Oct. 7 constitute “resistance.”  Reading her put forth this idea, I thought, “Who is this pretentious idiot?”

I was delighted to find that she had won first prize in the annual Bad Writing Contest sponsored by the journal Philosophy and Literature – a prize given to “the ugliest, most stylistically awful” sentence submitted by its readers . Here is her winning sentence:

The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

You have to love her, right? I mean, she gave us the concept of gender performativity!Wikipedia notes that

Butler also explores how gender can be understood not only as a performance, but also as a “constitutive constraint,” or constructed character. They ask how this conceptualization of an individual’s gender contributes to notions of bodily intelligibility, or comprehension, by other individuals. Butler continues to discuss bodily intelligibility by means of sex as a “materialized” entity, upon which cultural, collective ideals of gender can be built. From this angle, Butler interrogates value conscription upon various bodies as determined theories and practices of heterosexual predominance.

Whatever. I suggest that you don’t waste your brain cells trying to decipher this gibberish, just be aware that you’re not allowed to object to any of it. If you’re a woman (a human born with a reproductive system that produces eggs) or a non-man, as some gender identity theorists might say, you are a TERF  for taking issue with Judith Butler. If you’re a man, I don’t know what happens. Probably you’re just a homophobic colonialist defender of the patriarchy.

Please do your own research on Judith Butler, I promise you it is more fun and rewarding than anything you can do online besides getting into arguments on Instagram. Also, note that I didn’t title this “Judith Butler: What a fucking cunt!™” She’s more of an irritant, albeit a uniquely flagrant one. And I realize she is low-hanging fruit, but try to resist taking a whack at her!

Posted in Celebrities, irritants, Words | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments

After I’m Dead

It is my nightly ritual to get into bed at around 1:00 am and read until I’m drowsy enough to sleep. The other night, I put my book down and surveyed my bedroom. I was suddenly overcome with a bittersweet sense of nostalgia for it, if it’s possible to feel nostalgia for the present. My husband walked in and I blurted out, “I’m going to miss this bedroom when I’m dead.” Instead of being pissed off about how morbid I am, he surprised me by laughing and saying, “Well, then you have it better than some people!”

I just love my bedroom! I love our big bed, nicknamed Snuggy if you must know. I love the art on the walls and the heavy velvet curtains from Ikea. I love my antique dresser covered with piles of jewelry and religious shit. I love my thriftshop chinoiserie and crappy velvet chair.

It struck me today that there must be lots of things I’ll miss when I’m dead. And that I should start appreciating them now while I can. I think we should all do this.

I’ll start:

I will miss burgers and fries, Pollo Loco chicken, and chips and salsa. I’ll miss frozen Indian dinners. I’m already starting to miss the first cup of morning coffee after the coffee machine does a little song.

I’ll miss Nicole Wallace on MSNBC. She seems so incredibly nice besides being smart and funny.  I’ll probably miss that SNL guy who does an uncanny  and hilarious imitation of Trump. I’ll miss hearing my favorite songs on the car radio. Obviously I can hear them any time I want to, but everyone knows it’s the surprise that makes it feel like a gift.

I’ll miss getting packages from Sephora. Free shipping and easy returns!

I’ll miss changing my nail polish. It’s relaxing and it makes me feel arty.

I’ll miss my favorite thriftshop, where the octogenarian volunteers start calling our “We’re closing” every five minutes, starting 45 minutes before closing time.

I will miss exchanging pleasantries with strangers, which always makes me feel like a human being. I’ll miss our Christmas Eve parties, which remind  me that I’m lucky to have people I love, who love me back.

I’ll miss the triumph of returning something to Zara even after washing it twice, like I did today with some awful baggy jeans.

Of course I’ll miss my husband but not as much as he’ll miss me (because he’ll have to get into Snuggy alone). And I’ll miss my darling dog, Kora.

That’s about it for now. How about you? I really want to know!

 

 

Posted in love | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Big Babies!

My brain has been hibernating due to too much internet scrolling, but it has awakened with a bang, thanks to the discovery of an Adult Diaper Spa. Just linger on those three words. They are so incongruous and dissonant. And yet they are the portal to true insanity, not that I want to be judgemental or shaming in any way. I just had no idea!

I knew there were guys who liked wearing onesies, and I even remember looking at a website for adult size cribs. But this is a whole other thing.

This is not just a Diaper Spa, but also a Diaper Salon, Ageplay Spa, and Diaper B&B. It is run by Dr Murphy a neurodivergent M.D. who is also a “trauma-informed intimacy and relationship coach.” At the spa,

you can openly express yourself and partake of your favorite activities, meals, snacks, and nurturing. Activities range from playtime, story time, nap time, cuddle time, changing time, coloring, nursery rhymes, and sing-a-longs.

In the summer, you can play with your water wings and floaties poolside, picnic under the tree with your teddy bear, play marbles on the patio, or swing on the front porch swing and serve tea to your dollies on the porch. In the winter, we can make snow angels, build snowmen, drink hot cocoa from beneath clouds of whipped cream and sprinkles, and decorate gingerbread men or sugar cookies.

You get the idea. Who are these big babies? Are they the leaders of  government and industry? I have a feeling that these babies are mostly male, if I may be so binary. I think society already treats women like helpless babies, so it’s a less transgressive or appealing notion. I wonder if the spa offers spanking and scolding, or if that’s a different form of “play?”

The spa has everything a big baby needs, but you are welcome to bring your own blankie, stuffie, or onesie.  For $300 an hour, you get “a spa-like nursery experience for the little one inside of you, providing a warm, safe, and nurturing environment while you indulge in relaxation and self-care. Minimum session: 2 hours.” It’s $1,500 for a 24 hour Diaper sleep-over.

As I read this shit with an increasing sense of, ahem, wonder, I started to imagine being a cherished baby…I mean, it’s probably nice, right? I have no memories of my early childhood, except for my mom yelling and my sister torturing me. But by loving and caring for my own babies, I feel I’ve corrected that loss. While it’s awful to be an adult, it seems preferable to being infantilized, even by choice.

I guess it’s nice to indulge in your deepest fantasy, but aren’t some fantasies best left inside your head? Mine aren’t that interesting, and aren’t worth acting out in a pricey fake environment. Isn’t that what husbands are for?

Do they have fake farms or racetracks for people who like to do Pony Play? Uh-oh, I just googled it and they do! This place welcomes Ponies, Trainers, Handlers, Grooms, teams of Pony/Trainers and all those who love them.

I am open-minded enough to want everyone to be happy and sexually fulfilled, I just don’t want to find out about it.

Changing the subject, how many times have you seen a TV couple having urgent sex on the sink counter or standing up against a wall? It’s crazy! Now I groan each time I see this, and sometimes yell, “USE THE BED!” I watch so much TV now that I can tell what every character is about to do. I can often say the line before the actor does, which is simultaneously satisfying and disappointing.

Okay then. Thoughts or enraged complaints, anyone?

Posted in Disorders, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Is the Progressive Discourse Antisemitic?

In a word, yes.

If you weren’t raised as a Jew, you have no standing to speak on this. As a Jew, I decide what is, and is not, antisemitic, just as POC will decide what is, and is not racism.

If you weren’t raised as a Jew, how dare you think you can be an arbiter of what is antisemitic? Notice that when a black person deems something/someone racist,  he/she is taken seriously, and his/her view is respected…at least by the progressive left.

But Jews everywhere, since October 7, are being gaslighted constantly with indignant cries of I’m not antisemitic, it’s Israel’s government that I can’t tolerant.

As we all should know, Israel is far from being the worst country for human rights.

Moving on to global humanitarian crises, DR Congo is the largest hunger emergency in the world, with over 25 million people struggling daily to simply get enough to eat.

The country hosts one of the largest displaced populations (including refugees) in the world – approximately 5.5 million. One in seven women nationwide experienced sexual violence before the age of 18, and the problem is even more severe in conflict-affected communities. However, in 2022, the number of people in need in DRC was significantly higher than the amount of people in need in Ukraine, yet the amount of funding secured was 74% lower.

Have you heard any demands to stop the violent conflicts there? The country is experiencing outbreaks of monkey pox, cholera, measles, floods and landslides.

And in Sudan? Seven months of conflict there have resulted in 9,000 deaths and 5.6 million forced to flee their homes. Where are progressives wearing the Jalabia in protest?

I bet none of your friends are going around enraged on behalf of the Congolese or Sudanese. Because the only people who matter are Palestinians, and their plight is the only one worth marching for. If Jews aren’t involved, no one cares.

Look at the map above. Note the size of Israel. Note that it’s surrounded by countries with lamentable human rights, countries where women are second class citizens and gays are at risk of prison and death. Teeny tiny Israel is the focus of the worlds dismay and disapproval….why?? Is it “because our taxes prop up their apartheid government”? The taxes argument is absurd. The US gives foreign aid to countries all over the world, some with governments that progressives surely wouldn’t want to support.

(Ukraine was the top recipient of aid in 2022, having received nearly $12 billion from the U.S. that year following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in February 2022.)

If you want to know the history of Israel, it’s easy to research. Historians and archaeologists agree that a Kingdom of Israel existed by ca. 900 BCE and that a Kingdom of Judah existed by ca. 700 BCE.  The Jews have been deported from their ancestral homeland by various empires, thousands of years before Palestine was invented by the British division of land formerly governed by the Ottoman Empire.

Let’s get back to now. “The Hamas attack resembled a medieval Mongol raid for slaughter and human trophies—except it was recorded in real time and published to social media. Yet since October 7, Western academics, students, artists, and activists have denied, excused, or even celebrated the murders by a terrorist sect that proclaims an anti-Jewish genocidal program. Some of this is happening out in the open, some behind the masks of humanitarianism and justice, and some in code, most famously “from the river to the sea,” a chilling phrase that implicitly endorses the killing or deportation of the 9 million Israelis. The decolonization narrative has dehumanized Israelis to the extent that otherwise rational people excuse, deny, or support barbarity. It holds that Israel is an “imperialist-colonialist” force, that Israelis are “settler-colonialists,” and that Palestinians have a right to eliminate their oppressors.” *

Progressives have fallen to this fiction like they once fell for Stalin and Hitler. But their beloved Palestinians had every chance to build a thriving state instead of voting to be ruled by Hamas. Jews worked hard and created Israel out of a desert. Palestinians could have done the same if they weren’t so focused on killing Jews. (White savior complex much?)

What about the charge that Zionism is racism?

Prior to 1948, Zionism was an aspiration—the national liberation movement of the Jewish people, founded by Theodore Herzl in the late 19th century, to re-establish a Jewish nation as a solution to the antisemitism Jews faced in Europe. After 1948 until today, Zionism became a reality: a homeland not only to persecuted European Jews, but Jews from all over the globe, including Jews fleeing persecution from the Soviet Union, the Arab world, Turkey, Iran, and Ethiopia, amongst others. Israel is one of the most diverse countries in the world with over half of its population being from Africa, India, and other areas of the Middle East. The vast majority of Jews around the world identify as Zionists, meaning they support the existence of Israel as a Jewish State in the historic Land of Israel.

Antisemitism has existed now for millennia, and the prevailing ideas about Jews running everything, about how “good” they have it, is just as stupid as the Elders of Zion.

As the saying goes, “Germany will never forgive the Jews for the Holocaust.” Jews are despised for being weak, and also when they fight back. Jews are somehow responsible for everything bad. Why? The term “Jew” at various times in history has been connected to both materialism and intellectualism, socialism and capitalism, worldly cosmopolitanism and clannish parochialism, eternal chosenness and unending accursedness.

Even the UN is rife with antisemitism. So is the Red Cross.

In closing, you intellectuals arguing about whether Jewish babies were actually beheaded or just burned alive need to get a fucking grip.

Jews are the indigenous people of Israel, their ancestral homeland. Deal with it. War isn’t genocide or ethnic cleansing. And apartheid does not apply to the state of Israel, as much as you love the word.

L’chaim for now.

 

Posted in Horrible Stuff, News, Religion | Tagged , | 11 Comments

A Christmas Party

© Stephan Andrade

I went to a Christmas party at the home of one of my husband’s friends, even though I was close to backing out at the last minute. Backing out of things has been my m.o. for most of my life, but I’m making an effort to get out and socialize. God knows I’m sick of my own company.

The host was a lovely and talented young man who can play any stringed instrument and cooked up an incredible feast, including a salmon mousse. His apartment is right beneath the Hollywood sign, and was cozy and festive. I greeted him and his family and went straight to the food.

I met his mom for the first time and fell in love with her. She confided that having retired, all she does is read 19th century novels and watch murder TV! THAT’S ALL I DO, TOO!!! She has read all of Trollope, twice. I would marry her if I could.

A guy named B overheard us talking and later came up to me to say, I know you like 19th century novels but do you also read any modern novels? I replied that I have no interest in contemporary fiction because I’m too much of a book snob. You’d think that would be the end of it but no.

He proceeded to mention a few writers I’ve never heard of but even their names were middlebrow. He asked, Don’t you want to know what younger people today are thinking about? I said, “No, I have younger friends so I already know their perspective.” He didn’t like this answer and then told me about Jennifer Something, who has written three novels, and went on to describe the plots of each one.

I stood politely trying not to have a heart attack from anxiety and frustration. Why was he torturing me? When he finally paused, I asked him if he likes short stories, thinking maybe we had that in common. He said he occasionally reads the fiction in the New Yorker. Now here was something I had an opinion on! I said, “Don’t you think that the New Yorker fiction is always” but he turned and walked away.

I sat down next to a nice woman I’ve met before and we talked about the stress of being online. We agreed that the current climate is especially tense and divisive. She noted that it annoyed her how many people denied there was a “genocide going on in Palestine.” As a Jewish Jew, I countered with, “Yeah, and the people who don’t believe Israeli women were raped and tortured!” Luckily, we agreed that miniature donkeys are adorable.

Later, I met a lovely couple who had family in Jerusalem. The husband, who was French, confided, “I hate Netanyahu” to which I interjected something like Duh, it’s a given, “but I hate Hamas more.” We talked about the worldwide explosion of antisemitism. They both has interesting jobs and asked me what I do. I blurted out, “Nothing. I am nothing.” Luckily my husband was in earshot and he leaned in and said, “She’s a writer.”

I noticed a very thin woman dressed in black and wearing a big fedora. Women who wear hats are one of my pet peeves so I instinctively disliked her. I heard her say, “This is my husband, Steve.” Suddenly, I recalled an awful woman on Instagram who used to keep referring to her husband Steve. I remember that Steve bought her a $10,000 engagement ring. I sat down with my phone and went to Instagram. Yes, it was that awful woman! I was so pleased with myself that I looked around to see if there was anyone I could gloat to. Obviously, I restricted gloating to my husband.

Back at the food table, I started talking to a debonair looking guy in a black shirt who had silver hair and a matching beard. I asked him if he was a musician, since most of the guests were musicians as well as the host. He said yes, and we started talking about song lyrics. He was saying something about how you often didn’t know what your lyrics were really about until you performed the song. I went on a short rant about how a bad lyric. or even a stupid word in the lyric, ruined the whole song for me. I ended with, “a stupid cliched lyric is like an electric shock!” He looked kind of bemused.

While driving home, my husband praised me for ignoring a guy named Richard, who I hate with the force of a thousand suns. I was flabbergasted. I said, “WHAT? RICHARD WAS THERE?” I  was stunned. I couldn’t believe I never noticed him!

I asked my husband if he knew a guy named Jackson, who I discussed lyrics with. He said, “Yeah, that was Jackson Browne.”

What a night! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and even to those who don’t. xo

 

Posted in Celebrities, News, Words | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Midweek Hatefest

This morning I said “I hate you” to my toothpaste, and I meant it. Every time I use it, the tube needs to be unclogged. It’s been a while since I last said I Hate You to an inanimate object, although I scream it at the TV several times a day. Alternating with “Just DIE already!”

I remembered writing something I called a Hatefest, and when I found it, I was impressed by how comprehensive it is. I know for a fact that I’m still as full of hate, if not more so, than when I wrote it. But my powers of recall and word retrieval are shit. Yesterday I couldn’t remember the word for lint, and tried “fluff” instead.

But back to hate, I am suspicious of people who claim not to hate anyone. Ever. Have you encountered these people? I’ve married two of them. They maintain that hatred is unknown to them. They dislike people, yes, but don’t hate. I used to imagine their mommies admonishing them as children, “No, we never hate! We dislike.” I remember a childhood friend whose mom told us, “We don’t say ‘I’m mad’! Say ‘I’m aggravated!'”

But these non-haters insist that it’s not that; it’s just an emotion they don’t experience. My latest theory is that they hate as much as us haters, but they just name it something else, like anger or revulsion or something. It’s just semantics.

(Unless it’s alexithymia, i.e. the inability to express or identify your emotions, a whole other story.)

If you can’t name at least 5 people you hate, just go away. Or get a note from your doctor.

Let the Hatefest begin!

Taylor Swift
Swiftees
Madonna
The Row
Laura Ingraham
Laura Trump
IvankaTrump
Jared Kushner
Imagine Dragons
That guy in the Strokes
J. Lo
the word “cropped” when applied to clothing
“how’s that working for you?”
Tom Ford
John Hamm
flavored coffee
Mitch McConnell
pro-lifers
butterfly tattoos
new words for homeless
Shein
proving I’m not a robot
Cormac McCarthy
Golden Goose sneakers
The Kardashians
David Duchovny
duck lips
my ex-husband
TikTok
memes
Chihuahuas
celebrity interviews
“got any plans for the weekend?”
Anna Wintour
Jack Harlow
Noam Chomsky
Anais Nin
Star Wars
MAGA
erectile dysfunction commercials
Steely Dan
people who call their dogs “rescues”
celebrities named Hailey
that awful guy who was married to Lisa Bonet
Doja Cat
Coco Chanel
hard seltzer
people who drink hard seltzer

That’s it for starters.

What did I leave out?

 

 

Posted in irritants, Words | Tagged , | 24 Comments

Rating Donald Trump

I have already confessed to being at a loss for words to adequately describe the abomination that is Donald Trump. But recently, one thing I keep thinking after watching the news is how utterly without redeeming features he is. My default analogy is that at least Hitler loved dogs. And music. And had some actual talent as a painter.

I was thinking of this yesterday while walking my dog (shout out to Hitler!) and started to mentally review the dictators I’m most familiar with, to compare them to Trump. Qaddafi came to mind first, and he had the redeeming feature of great style. He’s one up on Trump right there!

So let’s review historic dictators to see if any are as worthless as Donald Trump.

Stalin excelled in seminary school and earned a scholarship to Tiflis Theological Seminary in 1894. Good job, Stalin! Your dad didn’t have to pay to get you accepted!

Castro went to law school and was passionate about social justice.

Saddam Hussein also went to law school on his own merits and “did much to modernize Iraq’s infrastructure, industry and health-care system, and raised social services, education and farming subsidies to levels unparalleled in other Arab countries in the region.” Well done, Saddam!

Kim Jong-un was educated in Switzerland and after his father’s death, implemented some economic and agricultural reforms. Not bad, Kim Jong-un!

Mussolini was a journalist who studied Kant, Hegel and Nietzsche. (Trump = Covfefe)

Mobutu Sese Seko, with his trademark leopard-skin cap and carved wooden staff, was a a true style icon, and I’m still looking for a facsimile of that hat.

Pol Pot played the violin and was fluent in French.

Augusto Pinochet taught classes in military geography and geopolitics and was the editor of a magazine, Cien Águilas (‘One Hundred Eagles’).

François Duvalier aka Papa Doc was a physician, and was active in a United States–sponsored campaign to control the spread of contagious tropical diseases, helping the poor to fight typhus, yaws, and malaria. He was also a master of Haitian Vodou! Who among us doesn’t love Haitian Vodou?

I could go on, but you see my point here. That bastard Donald Trump is the most patently worthless human being in the history of the world.  Why did god make him? I heard a guy on TV noting Trump’s “incandescent stupidity and malevolence.” Incandescent gave me a little thrill. If only I could be as elegant in expressing my contempt!

All I can do is take comfort in his notable hair-loss and commensurate panic as I try not to think of him winning the next presidential election. If that comes to pass, there won’t be enough cyanide capsules in the world to put us out of our misery.

 

Posted in News, Rants, Words | Tagged , , | 6 Comments