Boy Or Girl

boy or girlIf you’re wondering whether this is a boy or girl, how dare you!

Why should it matter?! You are stuck in your binary thinking.

Even wondering is a microagression. I’m not kidding. What’s your fucking problem?

The whole idea of gender is ridiculous and insulting. It’s not only a cultural construct, but bla bla bla.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy, and I don’t even understand Shakespeare.

Gender is a spectrum. You need to be more gender-expansive.

Here, try again.

boy or girlSome people are really mad about the latest issue of National Geographic.

boy or girlMe, I don’t have to worry about being a gay man in a woman’s body. I’m comfortable with myself just as god made me. For others, it’s not so easy.

I certainly don’t care who uses which bathroom, as long as the line’s not too long.

But I admit I still like to know if I’m looking at a boy or girl.

Are you as fucked up in this respect?

Thoughts, insults, advice?

 

Posted in Fashion, irritants | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Don’t Worry, We Still Have Denim

don't worry we still have denimUntil Donald Trump appoints a Commissioner of Denim to take it away from us, we still have denim to turn to for a spark of joy. This jacket by DSquared2 brings a whole forest fire of joy, with it’s thick encrusted bib and poofy shoulders.

dont worry we still have denimFrom behind, it looks like some creature has hopped onto the host organism and won’t let go.

I like the gloves too, which hint at a skin disease. At $3,680, this is a true collector’s piece.

What if you paired the jacket with these jeans?

R13’s Alison Leyton crop jeans are assembled from blue stretch-denim ornamented with frayed patches.

I like how they’re “assembled” and “ornamented.” This is no haphazard sewing class failure! This is art. As always, a team of teething babies worked for days, chewing on the patches to ensure a realistic fraying.

At $595, these jeans are a steal. In fact, oops, I see now that they’re sold out at Barney’s but I’ll help you find a pair if you need them.

Finally, a jacket from Mark Jacobs.

don't worry we still have denimThis one says “80’s K-Mart” and that’s the joke. Get it?? A horrible acid-washed color, afflicted with pins and patches: a razor blade, peace sign, a fake ska emblem, and some crap on the back.

don't worry we still have denimEw. I’d like to know the customer who’d pay $895 for this. Even a Kardashian knows better.

But who am I to judge; I’m just here to spread the joy.

Posted in Fashion | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Do You See What I See?

When I first saw the picture above, I saw a guy about to jump.

I still see that, but I’m aware that it’s just an ad for some new Nike’s.

My brain is not good, or let’s say it’s not operating in a beneficial way.

I once had a thriftshop painting of a guy holding a baby, and it looked clear to me that he was about to throw it off a balcony.  I liked to ask people to look at it and tell me what they saw. I wasn’t the only one who saw that but the vast majority saw a guy holding a baby, even tenderly holding it.

I saw this painting at the vet’s office and was reminded of the guy-with-the-baby picture:

Here, I see a guy about to throw the dog off of something, even though he is sad about it. He’s thinking, “Well, I wish I didn’t have to.”

I remember taking the Rorschach inkblot test when I was around 12 years old. Some genius had figured out that I was troubled. I recall seeing people sitting despondently, waiting to get shot or something. After a few of these inkblots, I realized that my answers sounded nuts. I can’t remember if I decided to make up better reactions.

Lots of psychological notions are amusingly archaic but the theory of projection is still pretty sound, don’t you think?

Trump is projecting, every time he rants about corruption or liars or crooks. That’s just a big Duh.

I’m sorry, I don’t know how Trump got in here. I wish he were only a projection of my hatred of authority, or my dad.

At least I don’t see dead people. I see despondent people.

Read more about Rorschach here .

Read more about those Nike’s here.

And if you’re thinking about jumping, don’t.

Posted in Art, Disorders | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Trump And Kanye: The Perfect Convergence

It is only natural that Trump invites Kanye to Trump Tower instead of holding that scheduled press conference.

Kanye has just been released from a psychiatric ward so he’s the perfect guest for today’s episode of The Trump Show. (And watch the dap, it is truly the money shot.)

They will work their way up to Kim and maybe even Kylie for the youth market, then they can have Young Thug, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, The Bachelor, and the Victoria’s Secret models.

Later in the season, there will be Madonna, to talk about misogyny and ageism. Drake will hang out with Trump and Jred Kushner in a mini Jewish Summit.

This is the show of our dreams, if our dreams are a waking nightmare, and we’ll watch it    whenever we gather our nerve to crawl out of bed.

I’d like to suggest interspersing The Trump Show, season 1, with viewings of Bunuel’s L’Age d’Or. It can serve as a bracing counterpart to the ongoing Idiocracy .

Bunuel’s L’Age d’Or operates on the duality between gold and shit. And throughout the film, everything sacred and pure was eventually equated to what is base and foul.

God, shit, president, moron, news, conspiracies, politicians, celebrities, make everything great again.

I can’t take much more for today so I’m retiring to my bed. Wake me up if Kim makes an appearance or Trump blows Putin or Exxon cancels the series. thanks!

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Do The Math

do-the-math

I went to the doctor to get some awful infusion for my decrepit bones, and all I could think about was that I’d gained two pounds.

I don’t have a scale at home and I don’t like getting on them but the nurse told me to do it. I was horrified by the two new pounds. Just a few weeks earlier, I’d been to another doctor and I’d found my weight acceptable.

Here’s where it gets good. I complained and whined that I didn’t want to be fat, on top of everything else. Nothing would stop me from being pissed off. I decided it must have been my heavy shoes.

So the next day, I put my shoes in a plastic bag and took them to the market to weigh them in the produce department. The plastic bag shows how thoughtful I am.

Sure enough, two pounds!

Now I can breathe a little easier but this has underscored how deep-rooted the fear of fat is.

But the fear of fat, at this point, is tied up with aging, a dreadful prospect. And yet we must all age, even though the only woman on earth who is really old but not tragic and still hot is Gloria Steinem.

Aging doesn’t suit me and I don’t want it. I have looked at old ladies who are celebrated for their beauty and it’s still awful. It makes me want to just give up. Here’s a 62 year old model who posed for an American Apparel ad:

do-the-mathHere’s a model who is 70:

do the mathThis one is 71:

do the mathThis last one is a model who looks like she must spend a lot of time weighing her shoes. She is very lean and everyone loves her.

This is the best you can hope for (unless you’re Gloria Steinem.) You can look like an ancient old crone who has refused to Let Herself Go. And where’s the appeal in that??

As the years go by, try to think of me like this, asking my husband how my butt looks –

sinnerAnd know that these shoes weigh a full two pounds.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Donald Trump: Cunt Of The Year!™

donald trump: cunt of the yearKudos to Donald Trump for winning this coveted award.

He will dismantle public education, health care, environmental protection, voting rights, public housing, and then he will blow up the whole world!

Great choice, republicans.

Now, we can duck and cover, take to the streets, call for impeachment, pray he has a fatal heart attack or pretend this is all a dream.

Moving to Canada won’t help.

Every say, all day long, what a fucking cunt.

Follow the corruption here.

Posted in Horrible Stuff, News | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Poor Little Barron, Autistic Or Otherwise

PoorLittleBaron

The maker of a YouTube video suggesting that Barron Trump is autistic has taken the video down and replaced it with a grovelling apology.

The apology is in response to a threat from Melania Trump’s lawyer, who goes around intimidating journalists and bloggers who have incurred the nude model’s wrath.

I watched the video last week, curious about its premise that ten year old Barron is on the autistic spectrum. Clip after clip showed Barron seeming to have difficulty with social cues.

When Mike Pence tries to shake Barron’s hand, the boy keeps his arms rigidly by his side. In other situations, Barron does some mild hand-flapping and makes some weird facial expressions. Most of the time, Barron’s face shows little affect. He is blank but angelic, a description that will strike a chord with most moms of kids on the spectrum.

barron-wont-engage

The video went viral and the Trumps went ballistic, presumably because the mere suggestion that their kid isn’t “perfect” is grounds for a lawsuit. Or maybe because they’re ashamed of having an autistic kid. Maybe they view autism as a defect they need to hide, like John Travolta and his son Jett.

James Hunter, the video’s creator,  said in an interview:

I’m honestly kinda scared right now. The only reason I made the video is because I saw how much social media was bullying Barron Trump, and I wanted it to stop. I was just sending it privately to people who were bullying him to explain to them that Barron might be autistic, and that’s it isn’t okay to bully him for it, because I know what it’s like to be bullied for being autistic.

That was before he heard this from the lawyer:

A video was posted at YouTube recently speculating that Barron might be autistic. He is not. The video includes the hashtag ‘StopTheBullying’ but yet the video itself is bullying by making false statements and speculation about a 10-year old boy for the purpose of harassing him and his parents. The online bullying of children, including Barron Trump, should end now.

It’s just a video, for fuck sake, hardly harassment or libel.  And the narrative is plainly compassionate, not snide or cruel in any way.

In the US, 1 out of 42 boys is diagnosed with autism. Older fathers are a common characteristic, and Trump was 60 when Barron was born. Many famous fathers of autistic sons are open about the diagnosis, taking pride in their sons’ capabilities and strengths.

But not Donald, and not Melania. No sir.

Personally, I know tons of kids and adults on the spectrum and it’s no big deal. It’s like saying you know people who love to talk or who avoid crowds. It’s like having quirks that most people notice and either enjoy or ignore.

The Trumps want to turn it into a horrifying malady because they’re a couple of cunts. Their reaction and the apology they demanded are insulting and likely to increase uninformed stigma.

Luckily for Barron, his private school offers a special program that offers –

one­on­one support to students with learning challenges. Intensive long–term support and remediation is available to a limited number of students in grades K­12 for an additional fee.

Maybe that’s why Melania resists taking Barron out of school to move to the White House.

Poor Barron will have to overcome many obstacles as the son of a greedy narcissistic father who has forced him into the public spotlight. It would be nice if he’s allowed to be himself, whoever that turns out to be.

Posted in News, Rants | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Baby Cafe

babycafe

I have the perfect business concept for anyone who wants to finance it: Baby Cafe!

I think it’s self-explanatory but in case you’re picturing a cafe that serves Babies on Toast or something, no, it will be like a Cat Cafe, only with babies to cuddle instead of cats.

WHY DON’T WE HAVE THESE ALREADY?

Baby Cafes would not only bring joy to baby aficionados, they would provide respite and income to stressed-out new mothers. They would ensure that babies receive the tactile affection so necessary for emotional health. They are a win win win!

I think the employees should wear crisp white vintage nurse uniforms, for  an aesthetic that says Clean, Safe, and Professional.  Employees would have to be bonded, obviously.

Patrons would first wash their hands before being seated.

The babies would be laying in nice wicker baskets or maybe little fake cabbage patch gardens.

baby

Patrons will get to wrap the babies in little blankies, feed them with little bottles of their mommies’ milk, burp them, and play simple baby games like One Little Piggy Went To Market. The employees will be available for diaper changes.

Listen, I’m not the only person who craves babies. I know plenty other women and girls who go nuts at the sight of a baby. We just want to hold them and smell them and stroke their little heads. We want to pick out the lint between their toes. You know why?

Because we are fucking mammals, that’s why.

Cat Cafes started in Taiwan and spread to Korea and Tokyo before showing up in Europe and the US.  At first, I found them intriguing but having seen pictures, I am now pretty disgusted. Cats are destructive predators even though you are so mad I just said that.

Cats prey on endangered birds and were once classified as vermin. They carry a parasite  that can lead to schizophrenia in humans. Their tainted feces can be deadly to other animals and we all know they are dangerous to pregnant women and people with suppressed immune systems.

Does this look appetizing?

baby-cafe-not-catscat-cafe-2

If you answered yes, just go away now. We’ll never understand each other.

The time is ripe for Baby Cafe. Think of the millennials who love their cold brewed coffee and don’t have time to have children because they’re busy taking selfies and Ubers. They don’t want to own houses or cars or start families because they don’t even like their own families.

But babies are cute and adorable and lower your blood pressure and help to fulfill a biological drive that technology has not yet entirely extinguished.

baby-schoolBabies are everything.

The other day, my husband was playing some boring dirge-like music in the car, and I quietly sang along, repeating the word “babies” through every tune. It was entertaining for one of us, let me tell you.

Okay then. Baby Cafe: Who’s in?

baby cafe

 

 

Posted in Art, love | Tagged , | 6 Comments

And The Winner Is…

winning wign

It’s childish looking because I was pretty stoned and I decided to use what I had at hand: sharpies, nail polish, and some little holiday stickers that came with some junk mail.

I think it’s pretty good! Here’s a close up:

close up

I went with Amanda’s suggestion, but all of them were great. If things escalate, I’ll choose another one your entries (unless I’m in an internment camp somewhere.)

Thanks!  XOXO

 

 

Posted in Art, Disorders, revenge | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

A Fetish We Can All Enjoy

fetish we can all enjoy

Last night I discovered that I might be an unwitting member of the online Burqa Fetish Community.

I had never been aware of this fetish, which seeks and celebrates “complete coverage.” I only knew that I like pictures of people wearing veils. In my Tumbler collection, there are hundreds of photos of veiled women (and a few men too.)

Veils are mysterious and exotic, and every culture that employs a veil in some way gets a big thumbs up from me.

Coming across weird photos of draped figures sitting around doing nothing has piqued my interest, but not enough to do any research. God, am I lazy; that’s probably why I’m always the last to know anything.

Now, voila, I get it!

A book called 2041 features a “complete coverage” enthusiast who goes by that number on Flickr, a man who has 60,000 photos that the publishers have edited to form a narrative that is humorous, sinister, and surreal.

It stand to reason that 2014 is British. The Brits really know how to do fetish, don’t they? Remember those guys who can’t be happy until they chop off one of their legs? British. And the tourist who was arrested for coming to the US to have sex with a stallion? British.

But of course, these enthusiasts are not all British. 2041 is part of a connected online community of men and women from across Western Europe and the Gulf States. They are Christians, Muslims and without religion.*

Personally, I don’t care about the drives and underlying psychology behind this fetish. You can do your own research if you want. I only care about the allure and the weirdness.

Here’s what one of the editors says about 2041:

There is definitely an aesthetic dimension of these images that is appealing – the composition and contrast between flatness and texture, the shapes are unlike others I have seen – and there is also a lot of time and effort that has gone into these.

Okay, good  He’s the expert.

I love them because what’s not to love, god damn it!

fetish we can all enjoy

fetish we can all enjoy(c) 2041, Here press

fetish we can all enjoy(c) Mustafa-Sabbagh

fetish we can all enjoyfetish we can all enjoyfetish we can all wnjoy(c) Brendan Zhang

Posted in Art, Disorders | Tagged , , | 7 Comments