Still Mean!

The Man Repeller is not just repelling men. Consider me repelled. I don’t think I “get” her, but I don’t think I’d like her if I did.

Why is she everywhere?? Why is she so connected, because there is no other way this girl would be in Harper’s Bazaar, and the subject of nearly every fashion or blog related article on the internet.

Am I resentful? DUH, fuck yes! Why isn’t the world adoring me instead?!?

I’ve been mocking ugly clothes for years now. I’m funny and I have a way with words, ahem.   But I don’t have a schtick! Damn me, this must be the problem. Unless it’s because I’m a cunt, rather than just “snarky.”

I don’t understand how a rich girl who talks about getting cabs in Paris and buys high-end designer stuff can position herself as a critic of fashion victims. I don’t understand why anyone wants to hear the word “ladyboner” or why people begin sentences with the words “I mean.” You can’t begin a sentence with “I mean” unless someone has posed the question, “What do you mean?”

I just read an excruciating interview with the Man Repeller in which she observes that red lipstick is not appealing to men but she finds it sexy. Haha, you silly goose, you clearly know nothing about men or red lipstick! I need you to either go away or give me your parents’ money so I can fix my roof and my two broken teeth.

A leaking roof and broken teeth: That’s what man repelling is all about.

Posted in Fashion, Rants | Tagged , , | 54 Comments

Grammys 2011 for Dummies

Just quickly:

Rhianna needs to take up prostitution and get it over with. Lady Gaga needs to get the fuck over herself. J Lo needs to lose the hair extensions and her creepy husband. Mick Jagger needs to eat and Bob Dylan needs to give up smoking.

Cee Lo Green was a one-man mardis gra and Gwyneth should be killed for ruining his performance. Lady Antebellum needs to die but not until they apologize for everything. John Mayer channeled Johnny Depp but fucked up the ever-haunting “Jolene.” Babs Streisand was a waxy looking monolith but proved that a diva can hold a mic without all that crazy finger action.

Bruno Mars was a worthless punk as usual but Janelle Monae saved the day with her adorable androgynous rockabilly presence.   Justin Bieber fought back tears as he lost to the regal Esperanza Spalding, who will singlehandedly bring back the Afro according to me, god bless her.

Eminem confirmed his status as the rapper we’d most like to have sex with. An angry ball of rage,   Eminem is on fire! He is the Ryan Gosling of rap. Talent plus intensity plus physical charisma = YES.

Muse sang a song that sounded like all their songs and Arcade Fire demonstrated that committed, liberating rock lives on, even in the age of horrible American Idolesque canned pop and the dreadful scourge of Taylor Swiftian confessional bleating.

Does that cover it?

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff, Rants | Tagged , | 33 Comments

Rumi: Exegesis and Appreciation

Two years ago I discovered Rumi Neely‘s blog and pronounced that I hated her. Tonight, I must heed the wisdom of Rumi the sufi poet, who said:

Quit acting like a wolf, and feel
the shepherd’s love filling you.

I am filled with love for Rumi the blogger because she’s a beautiful girl who has never been mean, pretentious, or self-aggrandizing. She likes what she likes and she shares this with her readers, who still have the option of leaving comments.

Having looked at hundreds of style blogs, I now realize that Rumi is the prototype for nearly every girl who’s slim enough to mimic her style. Every other girl is aiming for some approximation of the Rumi look. It might make us sick but it’s not Rumi’s fault that she’s seized the imagination of so many girls around the world. It’s a relatively simple look but it’s one that she developed naturally, an obvious extension of her personality and her lifestyle.

The hair, the hats, the shorts and loose sweaters, the clumpy shoes, it’s all Rumi. She carries herself so casually that it invites imitation. Not many girls try emulating Susie Bubble or Jane Aldridge, because their respective looks are too complicated or too pricey. Rumi’s style is more egalitarian.

But nobody comes close to her. Accept no substitutions! The original Rumi has an ineffable sweetness that tempers her sexiest pose. She is seductive but endearingly awkward. She doesn’t look like she’s practiced in front of a mirror all day.

I mistook her bubbly So Cal speech pattern for a lack of intelligence but in fact she has a quick wit and a great sense of the ridiculous. She would be the perfect friend for a sleepover. I like to think she’d be up for some prank calls and a midnight drive to get ice cream. She’s be fun to shop with and she wouldn’t pretend you look good in jeans that make your butt flat.

It’s Rumi’s world, at least for now. I love knowing that she’s not a bitch because god knows I’ve tested her, and all I got was openhearted kindness.

Lets congratulate Rumi for winning two Bloglovin Awards! If it weren’t for her existence, we might be inundated instead by man repellers or egomaniacal girls teaching Radical Self Love!

Posted in Celebrities, Fashion | Tagged , , , | 51 Comments

People Have the Power!

Sing along with Patti!

~

The power to dream / to rule
to wrestle the world from fools
it’s decreed the people rule
it’s decreed the people rule
LISTEN
I believe everything we dream
can come to pass through our union
we can turn the world around
we can turn the earth’s revolution
we have the power
People have the power ..

Posted in Art, love | Tagged , | 22 Comments

Douche or Deamboat?

It’s not often that I feel so conflicted about a man’s attractiveness.

On the one hand, he’s so…but on the other hand, he’s kind of…

What’s your vote?

(*via The Satorialist. Gott sei Dank, er ist nicht verrückt.)

Posted in Art, Fashion | Tagged , | 65 Comments

We Will All be Wanting

Pink Docs.

Posted in Fashion | Tagged , | 42 Comments

The White Shirtdress

This Viktor & Rolf shirtdress is a total fiasco.

On the other hand, I like how it manages to evoke both a nurse AND a mental patient.

The perfect accessory: a thermometer.

$1,125 at Shopbop.

What fashionese gibberish would you use to describe this dress?

Posted in Fashion, Words | Tagged , , | 42 Comments

StyleLikeMe: Exclusive Visit with Sister Wolf

(Watch on youTube for HD version) (Yes, the filmmaker has a cold)

Posted in Fashion | Tagged , , | 48 Comments

Sting: Still a Cunt

It serves me right for reading Bazaar magazine, but when I came across this picture of Sting and Trudie I was filled with horror and outrage. Why does he keep trying to make us sick?!?!

Here’s the good part: If you read the interview, you will grasp the folly of designer labels.

We like fashion,” Sting says, wrapped in a Rick Owens coat, while Styler wears an artfully ripped Balmain T-shirt and Yohji Yamamoto coat. “We enjoy it; it’s fun. We like going to shows.”

Ugh! Designer labels just define you as a stupid greedy knucklehead. Better to buy your clothes from Target or Walmart.

Thanks, Sting. Now leave the planet. Your work here is done.

*(photo by that other cunt, Terry Richardson)

Posted in Celebrities, Fashion | Tagged , | 50 Comments

The Mighty Chola

Lean like a CHOLA

Growing up in Los Angeles, I discoverer the magic of cholas at an early age. A chola promised to kick my ass in 7th grade, so I left school early and ran all the way home. She was mad because I’d been hanging out with her ex-boyfriend, a Mexican boy who wore a white t-shirt with khakis and a plaid Pendleton. What the hell was his name?? The main thing about him was that he was taboo.

Fashion changes but chola style is eternal. I’ve only just realized why Amy Winehouse struck suck a resonant chord for me:   She’s a Jewish chola, a hybrid I longed to be but couldn’t really pull off.

Thanks to youTube, everyone knows about cholas now and they are widely parodied. For me, they are too magnificent to make fun of. They are girls who want to kick your ass after school. They know how to use eye-liner and they look sexy in the most masculine get-up.

Mexican gangs go back several generations in Los Angeles, and have a nobility lacking in Crips and Bloods. Not that long ago, I was still planning to have my (imaginary) gang name tattooed on my bicep: “Lil’ Spiteful.” I went around asking my Hispanic friends to find out how to say ‘spiteful’ in Spanish. The closest I got was the word for ‘vengeful.’

Max grew up loving cholas, too. The first girl he ever brought home, when he was around 13, was a chola he met at Magic Mountain. She was 14 going on 25, with earrings the size of dinner plates.

His last girlfriend before the crazy one was the perfect chola, even though she was born in Israel. They met in rehab, and when he brought her home, she let me do her make-up.

It was easy to see what he loved about her. She’d been arrested fourteen times, and she could text a dirty joke at lightning speed.

All of his girlfriends were beauties. But beauty without brains was a deal-breaker for him. He always had friends who were women and he wasn’t afraid of intimacy.

God bless the Mighty Chola. Maybe I should get the tattoo after all?

Posted in Fashion, love | Tagged , , | 37 Comments