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Tag Archives: net-a-porter
A Terrifying Sale at Net-a-Porter!
Net-a-Porter sent me a sale update, saying they just added 300 new items. Many of these items are insanely ugly. Did they suddenly just decide, “Hey, let’s get rid of this shit too, it’s now or never”? This Balenciaga cape … Continue reading
Gucci Jumps The Shark
Gucci is betting that we’re all idiots, and good for them. Here’s net-a-porter gushing over this special contraption: Sometimes you spot something on the runway that you just have to have, regardless of how impractical it may seem – cue … Continue reading
The Tragic $1,500 Sandal
Just in for fall winter 2015-2016 are these inexplicable sandals by DSquared. Here are its ‘features’ as written on shoescribe.com: Fringe Metal Applications Solid color Zip closure Leather/rubber sole And yet that tells us nothing. We need those proselytizing editors … Continue reading
Please Miu Miu, as if.
Will you look at this atrocity – WHY, Miu Miu? This jacket reminds me of everything awful about the 80’s, and actually makes me want to throw up. What is more sickening that a cropped denim jacket with dropped … Continue reading
If You Can Pronounce ‘Balmain’ Correctly
Before you complain about the $13,776 price tag, consider the close-up view of this vest: “Take your ___ cues from ___ and wear this ___ style with ____ attitude – think ___ pants and ____ heels.” Replace the missing words (the ones … Continue reading
Word Usage: Count the Crimes
Here’s a beaded cat-ear headband for $1,290 at net-a-porter, but that’s not the problem. Here’s the description: There are so many things wrong in this one paragraph! I counted six word crimes, and you may find that I passed some … Continue reading
Don’t be Mad!
Imagine how upset I was to click on What’s New at net-a-porter only to find that I’d missed out on another impressive statement piece. Those of you who rely on me for shopping tips, please try to understand. I’m so … Continue reading
Monkeys: It’s On!
It’s official: Monkeys are the new black. The earrings above are sold out at net-a-porter, even though they just appeared on the website. Shit! Time waits for no man at net-a-porter. This monkey necklace is also sold out! You’ve just … Continue reading