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Category Archives: Words
Big Boy Pants
What the fuck is up with the “big boy pants?” It’s such an annoying expression that after hearing it three times, I need it to go away. Did everyone hear Debbie Wasserman Schultz tell Romney and his staff to put … Continue reading
First We Kill All The
One day last week, I had the clever idea of paraphrasing Shakespeare with a post called “First we kill all the something,” But now I’ve forgotten what the Something was. You’d think if I really hated it, I would remember … Continue reading
The Real Truth About Tom and Katie
I just had an exclusive interview with myself and here’s what I learned: Everything you read about Katie and Tom‘s divorce is coming directly to you out of someone’s ass! That’s right, and not long ago, it came from mine, … Continue reading
Great News For Hypochondriacs!
I love the word neurasthenia, and found a nice history of it here. I discovered it in a dictionary during my late teens, and I remember feeling relieved and somehow vindicated by finding a condition that explained my chronic lethargy, … Continue reading
Madonna, I’m Begging
I can’t take much more of Madge’s provocations. Obviously the UN is helpless, just like with Syria. Who would think that she’d still be so insistent about bothering us! Has the competition from Lady Gaga driven her out of her … Continue reading
Effortless
Okay, fine, at first glance they’re ugly but wait for the description: “A softly pleated waistband flows into an effortless, wide-leg silhouette on these denim culottes.” We’ve all come to associate “effortless” with “chic,” so maybe our brains are supposed … Continue reading
Beyonce and The Scream
Th other day, my nephew R was visiting and I asked him if he’d seen or heard about Beyonce‘s wacky Met Gala dress. Since R is one of the most culturally literate people I’ve ever met, it was a reasonable … Continue reading
50 Shades of Silly
Does everyone know about “Fifty Shades of Grey?” It’s a wildly popular new novel that women are reading discreetly and openly, according to their relative shame or bravado about enjoying middlebrow porn. I had no idea what the story was … Continue reading
My New Name
I was thrilled to receive this email today, and considered it a lucky omen of some kind to be called “Lard-Desha.” Isn’t it wonderful? I’m hoping it’s not some derivation of “Lard Ass,” which would confirm my worst fears about … Continue reading
I Had an Affair With President Kennedy,Too!
I wasn’t going to tell, but if everyone else is telling, I’m going to clear my conscience. Not that I feel guilty. I was only ten years old and things happened so fast. Sure, I knew he was married. But … Continue reading