A Tale of Two Parents

When I met Max’s dad, I was 16 and living in London. He was 21, the rebellious product of a repressed English upbringing. We were both hedonists, devoted to smoking dope all night and sleeping most of the day.

Years passed and we became the most mismatched couple you could ever imagine. He developed a knee-jerk respect for any kind of authority; I reveled in rejecting it. He somehow became a Republican. I continued to be a bleeding heart liberal. He continually worried about What the Neighbors Would Think. I ridiculed his conformity.

For a long time, I considered this marital battlefield a benefit to our son. In my view, Max had been exposed to different philosophies and different sensibilities. This would enrich his thinking and give him a chance to decide for himself what he believed in…what kind of person he wanted to be.

Now I wonder how difficult it must have been to grow up with such conflict. I think that kids want stability more than anything, and they aren’t served by conflicting role models. I feel really bad about this, although I can’t change history. All this duality can only foster a terrible sense of conflict. Mom is a lazy hippie and dad is a tense workaholic. Their opposing natures aren’t yin and yang. They’re just a clash of belief systems that wears everyone down.

Max’s dad and I finally split up and I found the right husband, but to this day we need an interpreter to help us communicate, since we are from different planets if not galaxies.

Did any of you grow up with mismatched parents? Was there any redeeming aspect to this, or was it just torture?

Posted in Disorders | 61 Comments

Disbelief

There aren’t really stages of grief, there’s just a big rupture and then a big mess of denial, anger, shock, guilt, etc. etc etc and none of it is orderly. Right now I’m in a state of disbelief and I’m guessing it’s adaptive, to keep mothers from flipping out.

I am seeking solace anywhere I can find it but I can’t listen to the news or look at fashion.

I’ll tell you what’s good: TV.

TV is a great panacea and pacifier. Reality TV is best. Crazy “Housewives” screaming at each other is like manna from heaven. My husband and I are taking comfort there. Scream and fight, Housewives! Never stop!

True Blood worked for me but not so much for my husband. He’s just not gay enough, I guess. When Sam and Eric eyed each other up, the thrill was electric, wasn’t it?!? Eric’s butt was too small for my taste but on the whole it was a yummy festival of hot gayness.

TV is my church and I will worship there. My bed is a place to hold Max’s stuffed animals from his babyhood. My fridge is stocked with weird leftovers from the meals brought over in sympathy.   My tolerance for idiots is being severely tested. My gratitude for kindness is fine-tuned. I can report that aside from TV, you really, really need friends.

Love is all that matters. Remember how we learned that before? It’s easy to forget. I’ll try to remind you, and you can try to remind me.

Posted in grief | Tagged , , | 60 Comments

You Can Kiss My Fucking Ass!

Any stupid lunatic out there who thinks they can mess me up, knock yourself out. I will say whatever I want about whoever I want. I am exactly who I say I am. I have nothing to hide. I don’t ask for special courtesy because of my loss. But if you go out of your way to fuck with me, I will express my annoyance.

The rest of you, I couldn’t love you more.   xo

Posted in Art, revenge | Tagged , | 103 Comments

Long Live the What

The What band in 2003. Max on lead guitar.

Posted in Art, Religion | Tagged , , , | 40 Comments

In My Hour of Darkness

Nothing helps to soothe the pain like a picture of Sea’s big fat face.

The vulgar coat, the stupid Louis Vuitton bag, the painful shoes and the gratuitous Gaysian and midget are just icing on the cake.

I hate you, you stupid moon-faced bitch. But it’s good to feel some healthy rage instead of the kind that makes you want to kill every single person who might have said the exact word at the exact time to persuade Max that life was worth living. The bad rage is driving me mad.

I’d like to tell that stupid bitch and her stupid mom to shut their stupid fucking mouths and wallets but if it weren’t for them tonight I’d be stuck in an endless loop of questions that will never be answered.

When I get the strength and pull myself together, I plan to begin a thorough, groundbreaking analysis of what makes Alec Baldwin so despicable. Prepare to be grilled on this topic.

Posted in grief, Rants, revenge | Tagged , , | 216 Comments

Divine Intervention

If you don’t live in Los Angeles, you may not be familiar with Fred Segal, a retail establishment frequented by pop stars and wealthy anorexics. Long ago, I realized that Fred Segal is in league with Satan. But yesterday, I forgot.

Feeling bored and oppressed by existential malaise, I went to Fred Segal to look at earrings. I have been fixated on the idea of gold safety pin earrings and I knew Fred Segal would have some. It’s a knowledge based on the type of people who shop there and a dark intuition fostered by Satan Himself.

So there I was, in the full glory of unemployment, when the salesgirl said, “Yes, we do have gold saftey pin earrings!” She produced five pairs of earrings, one covered in tiny emeralds.  I tried on one earring and thought, Okay, got to have them.

I handed my credit card to the salesgirl, my heart pounding with excitement and guilt. The voices in my head argued about the purchase, with the Addict Voice taking the lead. “So what if you can’t afford them, so what!”

The salesgirl was having trouble with her computer. It wouldn’t recognize my card or anything else. She apologized and decided to reboot the computer.

As I waited, I felt the sense of deranged lust for the earrings start to wane. I could already predict the remorse. Maybe I didn’t even need to buy them. I told the salesgirl while she struggled, “If this goes on much longer, I will take it as a message from god that I don’t need these earrings.” She laughed and said, “No, it’s just a message from this computer, don’t worry, I’ll get it to work.”

She called a supervisor who tried to give her directions over the phone. Now I was sure: I didn’t give a shit about the earrings! Life would go on without them. In fact, life would be much, much better without them!

I reached over and grabbed my credit card and said. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go now. Too bad it didn’t work out.”

I marched out of there as fast as my wonky hip would allow, dizzy with the joy of missing a bullet. God was stronger than Satan and I owe Him one. If he would hide my fucking credit card, so much the better.

Posted in Disorders, Religion | Tagged , , , | 60 Comments

All New Feature: Shopping For Mom

I just saw this chair at 1stdibs and couldn’t help thinking “Mom of Shoes!”

So from now on, let’s consider ourselves her personal shoppers! If you see something that would fit in with Mom’s fabulous new decor, send it to me at:   sisterwolf666@gmail.com

Posted in Art, Disorders | Tagged , | 18 Comments

Can We Talk?

Here are the results of Mom’s hard work redecorating the family crib.   Follow directions CAREFULLY.

1. Click on photos to expand to full size.
2. Don’t scream if you’re at work.
3. Find one item you would like to see in your own living room.
4. Explain the concept without using the word “jungle.”

Posted in Art, Contest, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , | 81 Comments

Engrish Levi’s

I love the online Levi’s store in Japan! There are all kinds of weird styles you won’t see anywhere else, plus the translations are so rewarding.

I actually like these overall things, but after the shit I got for liking the Gaultier-Levi’s collaboration, I’m certainly not going to admit it!

Posted in Fashion, Words | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Bulletin From the Gulf Coast

From Heidi:

Thank you, Sister Wolf, for inviting me to blog about the Gulf Oil Catastrophe. None of the words I use seem powerful enough to convey the complete and utter horror of the situation. Catastrophe will have to suffice. It is certainly not a “spill.” PLEASE stop referring to it as a spill. It is a hemorrhage.

I live in Metairie, which is a suburb of New Orleans, and about 80 miles north of the Gulf Coast. That’s close enough to smell the oil when the wind is blowing in from the south. Some days it’s worse than others. I was pretty freaked out the first time I smelled it; I can’t even imagine how intense it is down there in all of the coastal communities.

A couple of weeks ago, I started reading about the controversial chemical dispersant BP is using to break up the oil. It’s been banned in the UK, but BP already had stockpiles of it and couldn’t use it at home, so they’re using it here. The EPA has ordered them to stop, but they refuse. I saw a local news interview with a fisherman who has been helping spread boom, and he said he felt like he was going to die. He went to a doctor, who upon examination said the man’s lungs looked like he’d had 3-pack-a-day smoking habit, but the man had never smoked in his life. Corexit 9500 can cause central nervous system depression, nausea, and unconsciousness. It can cause liver, kidney damage, and red blood cell hemolysis with repeated or prolonged exposure through inhalation or ingestion. A friend’s parents live in Grand Isle, and she said they’ve all had sore throats for weeks. And suspiciously, many people that I know in the New Orleans area have been complaining of increased headaches and respiratory problems. Here’s a link to a Daily Kos piece about the horrors of Corexit: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/5/13/866201/-Its-basically-a-giant-Experiment:-Corexit-9500,-Oil,-just-Add-Water-Column

Then there are the repeated failures on BP’s part to stop the oil. Containment Dome, Top Hat, Junk Shot, Top Kill — all of it, about as cleverly planned as if a 5th Grade Science class were in charge. Why oh why was there not a tried and true emergency protocol in place before the drilling even started? How is it even possible that anyone allowed the first deep water oil well to be tapped without a reliable disaster plan? The plan they did have was irrelevant boilerplate that mentioned seals and walruses!!! This isn’t the sort of situation where “winging it” is acceptable! The amount of corruption involved here is staggering. So now, they’re going to try to cap the blowout preventer (we get lovely technical drawings on the front page of the paper every day), which will be another failure, no doubt. And BP regrets to inform us that in the process of undertaking that measure, more oil will flow than usual for a few days. Oh joy! Meanwhile, they are drilling two lines down on either side of the busted pipe so they can intercept the oil at the base of the well, effectively cutting off the leak before it starts. And then they claim they’re going to pour cement down the pipelines, sealing the well forever. While I find that about as believably as the Tooth Fairy, we’ll have to wait until AUGUST to even see if they can drill to the right location.

And guess what yesterday was? The start of Hurricane Season! Hooray! This year was already predicted to be more active than usual, but now there are serious concerns about the effects that the oil will have on any storms that develop. For one thing, the oil is keeping the water warmer than it would be, and the warmer the water, the stronger the storm. Then, there’s the bonus question: what will happen if any hurricanes hit land while carrying all the oil and dispersant toxins? Here’s what Russian scientists thinks about that: http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=128113&sectionid=3510203. For those of you who didn’t click the link, here’s the opening line to the article: “The British Petroleum oil spill is threatening the entire eastern half of the North American continent with ‘total destruction,’ reports say.”

So we have the disaster, the failure to fix it, and the ominous predictions for future effects, and to compound that, we have the esteemed Tony Hayward, CEO of BP, and his insulting lies. The endless stream of toxicity that comes out of his mouth mirrors what’s happening in the Gulf. Sometimes he sounds like a spoiled brat, “I want my life back!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTdKa9eWNFw. And other times, he sounds like a doddering buffoon from a Monty Python sketch: http://www.nola.com/news/gulf-oil-spill/index.ssf/2010/05/post_6.html. In response to allegations that the toxic dispersants and oil were making people sick, he had this to say:

“I’m sure they were genuinely ill, but whether it was anything to do with dispersants and oil, whether it was food poisoning or some other reason for them being ill,” Hayward said. “You know, food poisoning is clearly a big issue when you have a concentration of this number of people in temporary camps, temporary accommodation. It’s something we have to be very, very mindful of. It’s one of the big issues of keeping the army operating. You know, armies march on their stomachs.”

Finally, people keep asking why Obama hasn’t taken charge yet. While I do agree that the government does need to take a heavier hand, they don’t have the expertise or the resources to solve the problem. Apparently, BP doesn’t either, but they are supposed to! I’ve read a few articles and heard on NPR that Saudi Arabia had a situation in the early 90s a lot worse than this. It was kept secret from the rest of the world until recently, but their solution was to get supertankers out there to suck up all the oil on the surface. They were even able to salvage 85% of it. I can’t for the life of me understand what in the hell BP is waiting for. That seems like the easiest, most obvious solution ever. While we’re waiting until August (or later, which is more likely), why can’t they at least dispense with the dispersants and suck out that oil as fast as it’s bleeding out???

Thousands of people have lost permanently their livelihoods, many are damaging their health every day, and countless animals have died. When will BP stop wasting time and fix this???

Posted in Guest Author, Horrible Stuff, News | Tagged , , | 36 Comments