She had me at “crocodile.”
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Facebook: Feel the Hate!
Tonight, I heard my son remark about Facebook: “I find my self wondering, why are you my friend here when I fucking hate you?”
So true. I went to look at my Facebook friends and I hate at least 5 of them. There are others who are complete strangers but I can assume that I’d probably hate 80% of them if I knew who they were.
It suddenly occurred to me that I might find my husband’s ex on Facebook, but no such luck. I only found her teenage son, who is throwing a gang sign in his profile photo and has 657 friends. YAY!
How many of your Facebook friends do you hate? And which nemesis has disappointed you by not being there?
I Pity the Fool
…who buys this crocodile “tail coat” jacket by Balmain, for $74,000. Who will it be? Beyonce? Rihanna?
Someone will turn up wearing this, right? It’s fierce, killing it, bla bla bla.
Look at this bingo card I made here. If you’re looking at a fashion website or blog and you see any 5 words in a row, you can yell “BINGO!”
Troubled Teen
My sister found this photo a couple of weeks ago. I am thirteen, standing on the street with a cigarette, obviously looking for trouble. I found it, but that’s another story.
I was a child of the ’60’s, but god knows why I thought it was good to look like this. I remember the place in Venice where I used to buy long silk-velvet gowns for $6. I didn’t wear underwear or shoes, but eye-make-up was a priority.
Can you imagine being my mother? What a nightmare it must have been for her. She sometimes screamed at me, “I only hope one day you have a child just like you!” I’ve tried not to hurl this same curse at my own kids, but teenagers tend to challenge one’s patience and sanity.
At thirteen, I insisted that I was adult enough to do whatever I wanted, but in reality I was a complete idiot. Thinking about Tavi now, I see how focused she is. At least she knows something about something, even it’s all about runway fashion. I was an empty vessel, rebelling against authority with all my might, with no other interests or concerns.
I used to blame my parents for how defiant and out of control I was, but now I’m thinking that teenagers have to be awful, if for no other reason than to break away and live their own lives. If they weren’t awful, you might not encourage them to move the hell out of the house.
But some teenagers are more awful than they need to be. Were any of you as awful as me? Or even more awful? Do any of you have an awful teenager of your own to try not to kill deal with? Please share with the class!
Very Special Jeans
Douche Bag?? Someone has some explaining to do.
Comments For Jane 1/21/2010
Oh god, it’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it. Here is Sea, modeling one of the hideous new pieces of jewelry that she and Mom have recently “acquired.” Funnily enough, Sea wears the giant monstrosity with an Incredible Vintage Chanel Jacket that Mom “found” on eBay.
Don’t make me show you the other monstosities pieces that Sea and Mom have “obtained” by the same designer. They are all gigantic and garish: a squid, a baboon, and a bunch of other stuff you would gladly pass up at a yard sale. A quick look at the designer’s website reveals that these items go for $500 and up.
Would you like to leave Sea a comment? Me first:
Dear Sea, You and Mom need to stop this compulsive “curating” of shoes and accessories. Could you at least not brag about it while I’m trying to watch people die in Haiti? I think you have lost your way. Bigger isn’t better, it’s just bigger. Meanwhile, here are some other words you might like – procure, appropriate, harvest, reap, and attain. Love, SW
Come Together
My friend and fellow blogger Janet, who goes by the name Iheartfashion, has lost her husband to suicide. It is a terrible time for her and her two kids. No one saw this coming, and now she needs our support. If you can make a donation, even a tiny one, go here. If you can send her love and strength, go here.
Janet has listened to me in my moments of darkness. She is a woman with a big heart who now has a tough road to walk, but let’s remind her that she’s not alone.
Explain These Shoes, and More
Just tell me why we need our feet to look like hooves or camel-toes. Is it because the designer is Maison Martin Margiela?
Can I tell you a secret? I don’t care about Martin Margiela! Or even Ann Demeulemeester! I’m over it. And yet, I still get a thrill from Goony Bird. She still needs to pee, evidently. Pee already, Goony Bird!
Since I can’t get too excited over fashion at the moment, I’m spending more time looking at art and photography. Here is a beautiful image by Alberto Rugolotto. I’m calling it “La Pieta.” Click on it for maximum effect.
If I can’t buy clothes, I can at least appreciate it as modeled by good looking men.
Online Shopping Addiction: The 12 Steps
1. Put your item in the shopping cart.
2. Open a new window and go to a news website
3. Take a few cleansing breaths
4. Think about all the things you own that are nearly EXACTLY like the thing in your cart.
5. Think about your unpaid bills.
6. Recall the last time you bought something that didn’t make you one bit happier.
7. Picture yourself ordering the item and feeling the inevitable remorse.
8. Now picture yourself feeling virtuous.
9. What a close call!
11. See? You can kick this habit: You are in control.
12. The next day, go back to your cart and buy your item because you really really want it.
*Photo by Jeongmee Yoon
Golden Globes 2009 Exegesis
If you missed the Golden Globes Awards, you didn’t miss much, but here are the highlights:
Nicole Kidman wanted to show off her nipples. Why, I have no idea. She appears to have lost her mind or her bathroom mirror. Remember when she dazzled us with her fashion choices at the Academy Awards? Maybe Tom Cruise was her stylist!
Monique gave a fabulous acceptance speech that made me want to be a big Black woman. She totally rules. Did you know she does stand up comedy for woman in prison? God bless Monique.
James Cameron was King of the World again, and gave a cliche-ridden speech that fooled no one. The man is a fucking cunt, and that’s that. I don’t know how Kathryn Bigelow keeps herself from killing him.
Colin Farrell was yumminess incarnate. Daniel Day Lewis looked good, too, and so did Robert Downey Jr. Jeff Bridges has morphed into Kris Kristofferson, and Somebody Reitman looked angry all night, except for when he won something.
Chloe Sevigny was punished for wearing a ridiculous see-through dress when someone stepped on her train and ripped it! What a moment! She managed to recover after a flash of rage, but it would have been classier if she’s ripped the rest of the dress before accepting her award.
What else? Jodie Foster looked so hot, you could hear the crowd gasp in surprise. Meryl Streep brought tears to everyone’s eyes when she talked about loss and gratitude. Jennifer Aniston nearly flashed her Female Area, and her nose seemed smaller than ever.
Jessica Lange displayed her tragic facelift, while Harrison Ford had trouble moving his face. Everyone wore conspicuous little ribbons signifying Support For Haiti, which were nicely set off by the emeralds and diamonds. Ricky Gervais was a saving grace, telling the audience: “Speaking of plastic surgery, I’ve had a penis reduction. Now I have just the one.”
Did I forget anything?